WRiTE CLUB 2020 - Semi Final Bout #1

We're not messing around anymore! By the end of this week we will have narrowed the field down to just four and we still need to determine which two contestants will be submitting their 1,000-word writing sample to the panel of celebrity judges. In order to do that we must first hold a pair of semi-final bouts, and today is #1.

We do ask that you leave a brief critique for both of our contestants because that is one of the real values of this contest – FEEDBACK. Please be respectful with your remarks!

The voting for both of this week's bouts will close on Sunday, June 21st (noon central time).

Here once again are the voting guidelines –

1) One vote per visitor per bout.

2) Anyone can vote (even the contestants themselves), but although our contestants are anonymous, voters cannot be. Anonymous votes will not count, so if you do not have a Google account and are voting as a guest, be sure to include your name and email address.

3) Using any method (email, social media, text, etc) to solicit votes for a specific contestant will cause that contestant's immediate disqualification. It’s perfectly okay, in fact, it is encouraged to spread the word about the contest to get more people to vote, just not for a specific writer!

4) Although more of a suggestion than a rule - cast your vote before you read other comments. Do not let yourself be swayed by the opinions of others.


Without further ado...welcome back to the ring our first contestant...A. Lynne Smithee

Starlight

 

Denny wasn't like the rest of my brothers. He wanted to be a scientist. He loved weird stuff, stuff you're not supposed to love, like bugs and weather. And math. Mama always said Denny was going places.

I shouldn't have been surprised when Denny left for college, but I was. He took me out on the porch and we sat on the edge of the steps, the concrete smooth and warm like a dish right out of the microwave. He told me he was going to Massachusetts, and that it was a long way from Oklahoma.

My other brothers didn't cry when Denny said he was leaving. When they came out on the porch and saw me crying, they called me a sissy and Marlin threw acorns at me until Denny made him stop and scooped me up in a hug. It only made me cry harder because who would make them stop once Denny was gone?

He let go of me, our sweat-soaked shirts peeling away from each other like cling wrap. "Don't worry, little brother. You'll see me again before you know it."

"But why do you have to go?"

"To learn things." He wiped the tears from my eyes with a thumb and pointed at the sky. "You remember that time we were sitting right here and we saw a star disappear?"

I nodded.

"Well, I learned why."

"Why?"

"It’s called dark energy," he said. "You can’t see it but it’s everywhere, and it’s pushing everything in the universe farther and farther apart. When a star disappears like that, it's still out there, it’s just gone so far away that its light will never reach us. It's going to happen to all the stars eventually."

"There won't be any more stars?"

"No," he said. "There will be new stars, but you need to remember that the old ones are out there, too. You just can't see them. Kind of like you won't be able to see me, but I'll always be there."

He was trying to make me feel better, so I smiled. We went inside and had Mama's peach cobbler for dessert and he left the next day.

It was late afternoon when I heard Daddy wailing. It didn't sound like Daddy, but like some sick animal. He and Mama were in a heap on the living room floor. "My boy. My boy," Daddy said again and again.  

When they told us Denny's plane had crashed, I didn't believe them. We dressed up nice for the funeral and I stood by a fancy vase that they said had bits of Denny inside, but it wasn't Denny.

I sat on the smooth spot on the porch every night the rest of the summer, staring at the sky until Mama would come get me. Sometimes I’d see a star blink out and disappear, and I'd think of Denny, and remember he wasn't gone, but going places, and racing away from me too fast to see.

#################################################################################

And their most worthy opponent...give a hearty welcome to Miss_Sunflower

Berries spread across tables in the market sparkled like jewels in the sun. The scent of them added a layer of sweetness to the salt and fish from the Baltic Sea. There was a crowd wandering through, but it wasn’t oppressive or loud. People were taking their time. Summer in Finland had none of the frenetic ‘I’ve got two days to see everything’ energy I had left behind in San Francisco. I tried to read the signs on the booths by reflex, but the dual lines of Finnish and Swedish meant nothing to me. 

“Look, your metro pass is valid for the ferry to Suomenlinna,” Natalya said with excitement, pulling me closer to the docks. 

“The ferry to where?” I followed. Sure enough, the sign in front of a ferry had the same logo as the pass we’d used to get into Helsinki that morning. It also showed a photo of ruins on an island. 

“It’s the sea fortress, you’ll love it.” Natalya stopped before the sign. “You can walk the island, there’s a museum, it’s beautiful.” 

“I thought you were tired. I’m fine going back to your house.” I broke into a cold sweat. That was what we’d agreed on at lunch. 

”I’m pregnant and I need a nap, plus I’ve already been. You should see as much as you can here, without me limiting you. Go explore, and I’ll see you back at the apartment for dinner.” She grinned and pushed me towards the ramp. “I can’t wait to hear all about it!” The crowd that had seemed so open swallowed her. 

Short of screaming, ‘Natalya!’ and possibly causing an international incident, there was nothing to be done but go forward. The ferry was nearly finished loading. My hands shook as I fumbled for my metro pass in my backpack. After scanning it in the machine, I found a seat on the open deck among the other tourists. We chugged away from the docks. The city of Helsinki spread out behind us. The White Church glowed behind the square that held the market. On the other side of the bay the Red Church had gold-tipped towers that caught the light. The whole scene stole my breath. I tried to capture the moment with a photo. As I lowered the camera to my lap, my mind registered what I was hearing.

The people around me were chatting amongst themselves. That family there was speaking German. Two little boys were Spanish, those men were Italian and that couple was speaking what I thought might be Greek, there at the rail. I caught more of what I recognized as Finnish and Swedish. It was the first time in my life I had truly been alone in a foreign country. The boat rocked gently through the bay. Exhilaration made me smile. For the first time in three days of travel, anxiety, and disorientation, my shoulders loosened. My shaking stopped. I was out in the world.

“Thank you Natalya.”

#################################################################################

Please leave your votes and critiques in the comments below. Again, be respectful of your remarks and try to point out positives as well as detraction's.

We’ll be back Thursday with our second semi-final bout. 

Please help all our writers out by telling everyone you know what is happening here and encourage them to come vote.

This is WRiTE CLUB—the contest where the audience gets clobbered!