Easy Beauty - Revisted

This was originally posted in March 2010.

We all read a lot of blogs.  I mean A LOT.  The content is so diverse, ranging from instructional, insightful, inspirational, comedic, and everything in between.  It’s rare when I don’t take something from what I read here and find a way to improve my writing, or my disposition.  I consider this community a bubbling spring of enthusiasm and I try to give back as much as I absorb.  I also develop some of my own blog post from snippets of ideas on other blogs.  It could be something as simple as an open-ended question or an unusual turn of a phrase, but I’ll mull it over and expand upon it here, adding my own unique flavor to it.  This is one of those times.

Today’s topic first originated from a blog I read almost a year ago (sorry, I can’t find the link).  It revolved around the author’s pending 39^th birthday and she was reflecting about the increased number of gray hairs on her head, the few extra pounds she was carrying, and the additional wrinkles staring back at her in the mirror.  The gist of her writing revolved around society’s definition of beauty and what women today had to suffer through to try and at least stay in the ball park.  It was a fascinating read for sure, but it wasn’t actually the blog itself that stuck in my memory, but rather a comment left by a fellow reader.  In that remark the person wrote that he didn't really understand men (or women) who went for the "easy beauty".   EASY BEAUTY…what an interesting concept. 

      

Unconsciously, the seed of that phrase stayed with me, germinating until I read another blog post.  This one was written by woman named Thea (who has since stopped bloging), and she was lamenting about feeling Unpretty.  Her heartfelt post stirred something in me and evoked the memory of the prior blog and the unique phrase.  I left a brief comment for Thea, but still I couldn’t stop thinking about it.  

Thus here I am today, needing to say more.  We live in a society that places far too much emphasis on physical appearances.  It’s fruitless to deny its existence, or relevance, a pheromone in a visual form attracting the sexes to each other and rendering us powerless against its magnetism, like a moth drawn to a deadly flame.  But who created the measuring stick that we all, men and women both, are compelled to compare ourselves to?  A smile with perfectly aligned glistening white teeth, once only available to the wealthy and privileged, is now almost expected.  Bulging bust, trim waistlines, tropical tans, and acne-free complexions are the standards.

It seriously makes me angry when I think about the damage this does (and revenue it generates).  I don't consider it vain or shallow to worry about how others see us. It's simply human nature. The problem is the beauty we should really want others to see can’t be found in the mirror. It's in the eyes and hearts of those we come in contact with everyday. We all have a different set of lenses we see the world with and what might be pretty to you...could be unremarkable to me.  But there is one form of beauty that is universal.  And more importantly it’s a splendor that no amount of eye liner, blush, lipstick, highlights, nail polish, teeth whiteners, antioxidant face cream, body oil, styling gel, or perfume can enhance.  That’s our inner-beauty.

The person who can recognize inner beauty, sees so much more.  To me, that’s the true easy beauty because it is so much more natural and organic. Why spend so much energy focusing on cosmetics and an outer appearance that will eventually fade?  Partners drawn to one another by physical appearance alone, eventually, will not see each other.  Concentrate instead on the element of yourself that will resonate long past your prime, and even after you have gone.

How do you project inner-beauty?  For me, it’s in the little things.  I was in a store the other day, standing in line waiting to check out, when I saw an elderly man by himself who was struggling to carry his grocery bags.  A young woman who was sitting in the coffee shop of the store also noticed the elderly man.  She sprung up from her chair, took the grocery bag from the grateful customer, and walked the man out to his car.  I honestly can’t remember what the woman looked like, but I remember her actions.  I had witnessed inner-beauty. 

Let’s not have a misunderstanding here, I appreciate looking at a beautiful girl as much as anyone.  But that doesn’t mean any woman’s self-worth should be determined by how pretty I think she is.  I believe that any woman with a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye...can never be considered anything but beautiful. A vibrant inner-being will always shine through. That doesn't mean they'll win any beauty contests...but in the end...why should they need to?

Sunshine Award - Question Answers

How is this for timing? On Monday I lamented about how this blog has become rather stale and re-committed myself to revitalizing it (the post was pre-written and scheduled) -- and Sunday night I was tagged with the Sunshine Blogger Award.

The Sunshine Blogger Award is given to those who are inspiring and bring sunshine into the lives of their readers and fellow bloggers through their blogspace and/or their social media. I was tagged by Solange Hommel -- who was last years WRiTE CLUB winner.  Now, I received (and passed along) this same award several years ago so I'm not going to pass it along again, but I promised Solange I would answer the 11 questions that are part of the award, so this is me keeping that promise.

Thank you, Solange!

1. What do you snack on while you’re writing?  There is ALWAYS coffee when I’m writing, but surprisingly not a lot of snacks. When I get up to stretch my legs and re-inflate my ass, I’ll sometimes grab a handful of peanuts to munch on, but that’s pretty much it.
2. What’s your favorite location for maximum creativity and productivity? How often are you able to visit this setting? Those are two vastly different things, so I maximize them in two totally different spots. For creativity, I use a hot tub…and when one of those aren’t available, then a steaming hot shower. Don’t ask me why, but the majority of my story ideas come to me when I’m soaking in hot water. If I ever get stuck on a plot point or a particularly tough scene, I’ll either head to the Health Club (that’s where the hot tub is) or pop into the shower. Works every time. But it’s not particularly productive in the shower (hard to jot down notes or write much there), so for that I head for my corner desk in our living room. I can churn out thousands of words when I’m hunkered down at my desk with my headphones on.
3. What is that one weird trick you can do? You know, the one you’d kind of like to forget, but your friends always bring up at parties after a couple of drinks? It’s not really a trick, more like an oddity. I have no sense of smell.  Never had one. For people who know me, it will always come up in conversation at some point…especially if drinks are involved.
4. Tell us about the project you’re most proud of completing. I think a lot of writers who are asked this question might say their first book, but I have to go with my second. My first book was written on a dare…to myself. I had just finished writing a short story, which ended up being more like a novella, and I enjoyed myself so immensely that I challenged myself to turn it into a full-blown book. I did. I was proud of myself to be sure – but that was only because of how ignorant I was of everything involved in creating something worth publishing. When I discovered all the things I DID WRONG in writing that first book, and what was ahead of me if I were to really chase this dream, I wrote a second one. That one I’m proud of!
5. Which clique did you hang out with in high school? If you could go back, would you hang out with the same crowd or choose different friends? I was sort of in a hybrid clique back then. I was athletic, on several sports teams (Football, Track, Tennis), but I was (am) extremely introverted and shy (not the same thing), so I hung out with a couple guys who were a combination of jocks and geeks. Would I go back and change some things? Well, it’s nice to fantasize about it, but the truth is a Zebra can’t change his stripes.
6. How have you improved the world during your lifetime? Interesting question. I’d like to believe that in my own way I’ve done my part to improve the tiny piece of the world I inhabit. I’ve helped raise three amazing children – two of which are adults now – that are well adjusted and positive role models. I’ve worked for the same company for the past 26 years and helped it grow into a major food manufacturer. And in this writing community, I tried to foster inclusion and give as many people as possible an opportunity to have their voice heard.   
7. Teleportation. Would you do it? Why or why not? There are different factors at play here – primarily safety and expense. If I’m comfortable with the answer to those questions, then absolutely!
8. What is your favorite stupid joke? What's the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern fairy tale? A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairy tale begins "'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."
9. What charitable organization do you think more people should support? I actually wouldn’t care, as long as they made some sort of commitment – for anything. If WE ALL gave back, in some small way, it would go a long long way.
10. What is one topic you would never be able to write about? Why? I’m a big proponent of never saying never, but there are plenty of topics I wouldn’t feel confident enough to write about. One, for example, is how to be a successful sales person. As I stated in a previous answer, I’m just not wired that way.
11. Name three things that are always in your fridge. Milk, filtered water, and at least one item that is past its shelf life!  :)

The Blog Reclamation Project

Reclamation - the act of returning something to a former, better state.

I started this blog in 2009, basically on a whim. At the time I was writing a book where the main character was a semi-successful blogger, so I decided to create one for myself. I wanted to see what the experience was like. What a decision that was. I've since written 748 posts (not including this one) and seen just shy of 600,000 page views over the course of seven years.

Looking back over that time I must say I've hosted some pretty memorable events. The Blog Blitz, WRiTE CLUB, and Blogging Buddies Around the Globe to name a few. My breakout moment came when I encouraged readers to send their query letters to me during the time of year when agents were typically going dormant for the holidays (All Dressed Up and Nowhere to Go). That became so popular that well-known agents were tweeting about my post.

Then there were the blogfests. The Origins blogfest, the Deja Vu blogfest, the Significant Other blogfest, the WIP it Good blogfest, the High Drama blogfest.

I participated in the A-Z Challenge three times and won more awards than I can count back when blog awards were the rage. In my heyday, I averaged 40-50 comments per post. I interacted regularly with hundreds of fellow bloggers/writers and felt part of a community -- which I can honestly say was a first for me. Can you tell that I've been reminiscing? How ironic is it that I ended up becoming the character from my book.

I really miss those days. Unfortunately, I've drifted away from many of the people I knew back then, and some have moved on. But the reality is that those days are long gone. And here's why. As I've moved closer towards realizing my publishing dream, I've had to focus my energy on more writing-related activities. That takes time, which we all know is scarce. And if you didn't know it, let me tell you, turning a blog into a destination where lots of readers visit regularly...although very rewarding...is a time drain. A key component is being able to visit as many blogs as you can to create that personal connection, and that is what encourages reciprocation.

But just because I'll probably never see that kind of interest again doesn't mean I intend to shutter my blog. WRiTE CLUB, Blog Blitz, and the Deja Vu blogfest are all still going strong and are more popular than ever. But what I do want to do is get back to is my roots.  I recently took time to read some of my posts from those early years, and they were surprisingly entertaining. And that's what I want to do...at least until the time comes when I get that first book deal...is entertain. I'm one of those people who are uncomfortable giving writing advice until I have the "chops" to back it up, and for me that means being published. So, until I have the chops and can feel confident in passing along writing/publishing advice, my aim will be to entertain.

So going forward I'll be mixing in re-vamped posts from this blogs infancy with new posts that I hope will touch on a wide range of emotions. That's the plan, anyway.

I hope you stick around for it.

Anyone Got Time for a Beta?

Mission accomplished!

In my last post I told you I would be spending the 4th of July weekend in my own personal writing retreat revising my YA Mystery/Suspense novel PRICK, and I did just that. From Friday through Monday, sun up until way past sun down, I slaved away while I combated sleep deprivation, air condition issues, and a coffee shortage at inopportune times. Still, I finished working on what I consider is my best work so far. Now it's even better, but that doesn't mean it can't still be improved, and that's where I need your help.

Of course I've already given it to my critique group to look over, but I wanted to seek out a couple more opinions from people who come to it cold.  What I'm looking for is basically a chapter by chapter summary of what you like and/or what needs improving. There are a couple of restrictions though. First off, the person(s) needs to be someone I am pretty familiar with, because the trust factor must be high. Secondly, I prefer someone who spends a lot of time either writing or reading in the YA Mystery genre. And finally, I'm looking for a fairly quick turnaround as I would like to make whatever changes are necessary and get it into the hands of my agent (who hasn't seen it yet) fairly soon.

If you're on the fence about committing and want to know a little bit more about the book first, just email me at tbone(dot)don(at)gmail(dot)com and I'll send you a back-cover style of description.

Naturally I will be more than happy to return the favor on something of yours - now or in the future.

Thanks in advance to anyone willing to help out!

DL Out

DL's Writers Retreat

It's a hard fact for us aspiring writers -- those of us with full-time jobs -- that time is a rare commodity and finding enough of it to ply our craft is easier said than done. Before I get lambasted by stay-at-home mom's or dad's, I realize that finding time to write for them isn't necessarily a piece of cake either. We all have our struggles with this, which I've lamented the point on numerous posts here before.  We each find a way to carve out just enough time to hold that fire inside of us at bay, a fire that can only be quelled by ink and paper.

Some of us are night birds, preferring the wee hours of the night to write, a time when most of the world (in our time zone) is asleep. Others are early-risers. Again, a time when many are still slumbering and the stillness enveloping the world has yet to be disturbed. We often choose these times to let our imaginations loose, and its because we don't want disappoint the people in our lives by withdrawing into our writing shell while they are still active. So we wait, anxiously, for a time when one of our passions won't conflict with the others. It comes with a price, however, and usually it's paid by sacrificing our own respite. No one ever said this was going to be easy...right?

I've found my own way to tackle this time issue, and it's in the form of my own personal writers retreat. At various times over the course of the year I'll pick a weekend, timing it with key development points for my projects, and I'll schedule a full-time writing weekend. Usually I'll tack on a couple vacation days to make it a long weekend, trying to maximizing my time, but it's not a requirement. I'll make sure it doesn't conflict with a family event or something that all of us would want to take part in, then I let everyone know what I've scheduled. I give plenty of notice (at least a month) and everyone in my family has been really good about working that into their own calendars.

When the weekend arrives, I've prepped as best I can (i.e. research, critiques, music playlist, coffee, etc.) and as soon as I leave work that first night I dive in. I write, revise, edit until late at night, grab a couple hours of sleep, then get right back to it first thing in the AM. I'm wearing my headphones the entire weekend and no one disturbs me, because they all know what is going on.  When I come up for air (or a potty break), the family will ask how the project is going or if I need any pages read (which they are always ready to do), but no one is there trying to pull me away or assign a chore. The entire weekend is just about writing...and it is pure heaven.

I've never been to an actual writers retreat.  The picture below kinda represents what I think one would be like -- seclusion in some hard to reach location, all the needed tools, and an environment conducive to creative thinking. From what I understand the only thing mine is missing (other than an exotic location and the exorbitant price tag that goes with it) is the interaction with other writers. That's a key omission, one that could prove really useful when brainstorming plot points or character traits, but usually I've already worked through that sort of stuff ahead of time with my critique group. All I try to achieve with my retreat is seclusion, focus, and acceptance from my family by pre-planning it so it has minimum impact family activities.  Doing it in a chunk, rather than depriving myself of sleep (which is never a smart thing) over the course of weeks, just seems more effective to me. I'm also one who doesn't enjoy reading a book and having to put it down lots of times. Given a choice, and the time, I'd consume it in one sitting. I guess I write the same way.

I have another retreat planned for the coming 4th of July weekend. I have a major revision to my latest lined up and its time. Wish me luck.

How about you? How do you manage your writing time?