Let me introduce to you…Billy Bostic. He is a character in both the books I have written. Although he is a relatively minor character, I have a lot of fun writing him. This brief scene is from my first novel.
“Just keep your hands where we can see them, and don’t make sudden moves.” Billy was attempting to make his normally high-pitched voice come-off as menacing, but instead he sounded more like Elmer Fudd.
The corner of Mr. Brown’s mouth curled into a crooked smile as he slid both his hands in his pockets.
“Dude, you don’t want to be doing that.”
Brown turned his gaze directly to Billy. “Really? A middle-age man using the word dude.”
Billy pumped the slide on the shotgun roughly, ejecting a cartridge that bounced against the wall then tumbled onto the tile floor. He pointed the barrel directly at Brown’s head.
“What did you do that for?” Kent asked, making no attempt to hide his irritation.
“Shut up Kent,” Billy said.
“I thought they just did that in the movies. You already had a live round in the chamber, so why did you have to waste a shell and pump in another one?” Kent continued.
“Will you shut up! I should have dropped you off in Lafayette,” Billy said angrily.
“And miss seeing you doing your Rambo impersonation?” Kent shot back.
“Will you two clam shut,” Raymond snapped. The sweat from his palms was making his own shotgun slippery.
“Has someone called the police yet?” Dianne interrupted the bickering.
“The phone’s on the end table just behind me Mark,” Lee instructed, still not taking his eyes off of their captive.
A soft chuckle from Mr. Brown caused them all to go silent. He lowered his head, swiveled it from side to side a couple times, and then started to rise from his chair.
Both Billy and Raymond took a half-step backwards and re-adjusted the shotguns against their shoulders.
“Mister…I’m not afraid to use this, and I won’t miss” Billy warned.
“That’s right…he’s been the paintball champion of Lafayette Parish for three years running now,” Kent added.
“You have some brave and loyal friends Mr. Hamilton,” Brown said, looking slowly around the room at the six of them.
“I consider myself lucky,” Lee responded.
“It’s a shame that you got them all killed.”
That’s it. Who do you see when you picture Billy? Make sure you also check out the other Character Blogfest stories at Jen’s place.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Fun!!! I love "attempting to make his normally high-pitched voice come-off as menacing, but instead he sounded more like Elmer Fudd."
ReplyDeleteI see a 40 year old, tall and kinda gangly. Definitely a little on the geeky side but he's blissfully unaware of his lack of cool. Hair...I dunno...I'm seeing something spiky or slicked back...something he would see as hip but looks off on him. I even see him in an ill-fitting leather jacket.
Loved it!
Tall, skinny, big eyes- probably blue, hair cut short around his ears and I'm not sure his age but he might have some sparse grey or white hair. And a big adam's apple. lol. good stuff!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Query Girl. . But I see him as an outsider, not a Cajun.
ReplyDeleteBalding, a little pudge around the belly, and has a nervous tick. I don't know why I thought that! But I will admit your whole Elmer Fudd part might have skewed my impression of the man. :D The nervous tick idea just came from the way he was reacting in the situation.
ReplyDeleteGood snippet!
Okay, a middle-aged guy (brilliant deduction, eh?) with thinning brown hair, a clean-shaven face, and watery blue eyes. He's average height but a little on the chunky side. Can't wait to see what he really looks like!
ReplyDeleteOoh, I see him as a middle-aged wannabe gangster type...but gawky and with a geeky edge to him. I kind of picture him with straggles of dark hair falling infront of his eyes.
ReplyDeleteI love their simple idea that whatever skills they have prepare them for this situation. That, above all else, speaks to their characters.
ReplyDeleteLike Vicki said, fun!
Michele
Celebrate with a Blogfest on SouthernCityMysteries
I see him a bit younger, but definitely skinny. Maybe balding prematurely, hollow cheeks, rough skin from spending too much time in the weather.
ReplyDelete(Forgot about this part in my last comment--sorry!)
Michele
Celebrate with a Blogfest on SouthernCityMysteries
:) You do these high-octane scenes so well!
ReplyDeleteI'm totally with Query girl's image on this one, and tomorrow we'll know for sure!
This girl loves anything that contains a pump shotgun :D
ReplyDeleteWhy is Elmer Fudd not menacing? LOL
Good read!!
Jules
Trying To Get Over The Rainbow
Ooh, intense! I'm picturing Billy as kind of rotund, a full babyface and brown eyes. His hair is kept short because he's balding on top a bit.
ReplyDeletethis was so fun! i love awkward guys!!!
ReplyDeletei keep imagining Steve Buscemi for some reason...
That was great! Hum, I got this image: Skinny, red haired, freckled! And I just loved him!
ReplyDeleteHonestly I see young twenties. Not scrawny but not ubber muscular. probably in a t-shirt and Jeans, still trying to impress people- obviously by the shot gun. and friends still making fun of him for it...so not exactly fixed in his strengths yet. Brown hair and brown eyes. He's not weak, but hes still trying to take a stand or a lead somehow.
ReplyDeletehaha. Great stuff! I've got a really strong Bill Pullman impression from this guy! Kinda geeky, but smarter than one would think just by looking at him.
ReplyDeleteGuess my character correctly and win a prize!
Short and slight frame. Napoleon complex. Sleepy pale eyes.
ReplyDeleteNice bit of writing!
Great writing. I think a thin, shorter guy. Thin brown hair and dark eyes.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see him.
Geeky and gangly for sure. Real short hair, too. Like Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory.
ReplyDeleteAnd you blew my ploy for this blogfest. Since I rather suck at guessing a character's looks, I'd decided to say Kate Beckinsale for all my answers. But if Billy looks like Kate, then you are one odd dude...
for me i see a wanna be tough guy who gets laughed at lots cause of bumbling it up. hes got a beer belly that hangs over his too tight jeans. he medium tall. hes a little bald and combs some strands over it to try to hide it. hes got brown hair and eyes and wears old fashion black rim glasses. i think he feels good about himself even if people laugh at him.
ReplyDeleteShort and skinny, maybe 45ish. Medium brown hair, medium brown eyes. Nothing that would make him stand out. Wearing jeans and a tee shirt. Again, kind of unassuming in appearance.
ReplyDeleteOMG why do am I seeing images of my HUSBAND? My husband has never said "dude" in his life. Well, I'll run with it though.
ReplyDeleteSloping forehead, receding hairline, sandy colored hair, six foot three, winning smile, very likeable in a goofy, younger-than-his-years kind of way.
You have some awesome characters in this piece, I loved the whole thing! Wish there was more! Suddenly I realize I had a secret reason for thinking of this blog fest! Hearing great stories!
ReplyDeleteMy Guess: I'm thinking middle-aged, dark brown hair, blue eyes, tall and thin. Big features, such as an oversized nose and ears.
How far off am I???
“That’s right…he’s been the paintball champion of Lafayette Parish for three years running now,” *snort* love it!
ReplyDeleteI picture a guy with a mullett--kind of, not quite there yet. Uneven teeth and pretty blue eyes. Small build and on the shorter side of height.
Intense scene. I think Billy's in his mid-40s, balding with a combover. Light brown, limp, mousey hair. Not very tall, skinny, sharp features. I picture a big aquiline nose and sticky-outy ears. Also a moustache. I also think he wears glsasses, wire-rimmed.
ReplyDeleteBilly's got a scrawny, twitchy body. He is always in motion, can't seem to stand still. His hair is nondescript brown, combed over to disguise how much it's thinning. He's got the kind of face we see on various character-actors: we all recognize him, but nobody can recall his name.
ReplyDeleteHis teeth are too big for his mouth. I don't know where that came from! It just occurred to me when I thought I was done!
Billy's a dark-haired, dark-eyed coona**, yes? Skinny, white boots? No, j/k about the white, but he IS wearing boots.
ReplyDeleteI could be wrong, but when you said Lafayette Parish, all I got was a So-La. boy~ :o)
LOVE this blogfest! And your writing sample~
Well, I have an advantage, so here's how I've pictured him this whole time:
ReplyDeleteMid-forties. A good build, like someone who was athletic in youth and kept the thick frame. Muscular arms, especially the shoulders. I think he keeps his hair short, almost a crew cut, and the hair is a nondescript brown. He's got a nice-looking face, but some developing wrinkles, because he's always cracking jokes. :) Blue eyes. And a bomber jacket. :)
He's somewhere between 36 and 41. About 5' 10". I don't see a beer gut, but I'm not seeing a hard-body either, just regular muscles from everyday work and his abs a little soft.
ReplyDeleteStrawberry blond hair, light blue eyes, and he has a snaggle tooth that's more endearing than ugly.
A cross between a Cabage Patch doll and a rabbit? A little meaty in the middle and short with expressive eyes. Freckles maybe? And detect a wish to be a hero. A do-gooder without a clue.
ReplyDeleteI do love the end!
I'm seeing a 40 year old man in a black turtleneck who still lives with his mom. He has a babyface, but has a bit of an edge to it.
ReplyDeleteHe almost looks like you!! ;)
Funny but I saw two people when I read this: Mike Tyson and our own resident blogger Lenny Lee, lol.
ReplyDeleteHeh heh, great scene, I loved the banter.
ReplyDeleteI bet ol' Billy's a guy with short brown hair and a big nose, and even though he's not necessarily pudgy, he's not exactly musuclar either. He's got sort of a regular guy look and build going on.
Well, he's middle aged and I think he's a goof ball with a little bit of a belly and receding brown hair. He has some gray at his temples. I'd say he's about 5'll" and out of shape with big feet. I don't just threw that out there.
ReplyDeleteSnorted twice while reading your excerpt. Great Read! Hope I got something right. :D
Awesome scene! Let's see, Billy seems to have tried bravado on like a new suit coat in a shop. I see him as tall and lanky, over six feet tall but under 200 lbs. He's pale, everywhere. His hair, his skin, even his light blue eyes, everything seems washed out and without much color. I think his eyes give him away though, in moments like this. His eyes glisten when he's nervous, and the pale lashes stand out on red rimmed lids.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see tomorrow how off I am! LOL
I picture Billy as middle-aged, with messy brown hair that he wears under a hat. He's got a 5 'o clock shadow and steel gray eyes. He speaks with a Southern accent and is reasonably athletic, since he plays paintball. He's about average height, maybe 5'10". He's a social guy - likes to hang out and shoot the shit.
ReplyDeleteAny of that around what you were looking for? :D
Great scene!
ReplyDeleteOkay - he's not big - squeaky voice clue. I'd say under 5 and a half feet. Skinny. Straight light brown hair - sticking up in places. Some kind of painter's cap on his head. :)
Loved the excerpt! I picture a middle aged guy with slightly graying hair and a thick mustache. I also see him walking confidently, but hiding his insecurities at the same time (and not necessarily doing so successfully). I also see him as slightly stout, but muscular with green eyes. I can't wait to see what he really looks like!!
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteClue one, Billy's middle-aged, so guessing he's greying at the temples, blondish highlights in light brown hair and thinning a little. He's rangy in build, hooded eyes, light blue orbs, face paler tan than neck and lower arms due to brimmed hat. He has a sense of humour but tends to keep it bottled except when celebrating.
best
F
Middle aged, southern draw, tucks his shirt into his jeans with a belt... he might even wear socks with his sandals. LOL. Brown hair that's borderline mullet.
ReplyDeleteHaha, poor guy! I see him as mid-forties, slightly pudgy, and short. He's got ears that stick out and big brown eyes with a nothing button of a nose. Starting to go bald, maybe. And what a great name!
ReplyDelete40's, brown hair,brown eyes, tall and skinny.
ReplyDeleteThis was a great scene, I loved reading it! I'm picturing him as sort of gangly and maybe a little geeky but trying to be cool sort of thing. Light brown hair, hazel eyes and maybe a light dusting of freckles.
ReplyDeleteI'm a horrible guesser but that's my take. Can't wait to see the reveal!
Short, maybe balding and a little overweight. He def wasn't in the cool club in high school. ;)
ReplyDeleteHm, I'm seeing a kind of grown-up Squints from The Sandlot. Glasses and clinging curls, now thinning. Skinny. Spasmodic.
ReplyDeleteVery fun!
Interesting. I see kind of a nerdy guy...short dark hair, maybe balding a bit. He has a mustache. He's thin, not very muscular...wearing a plaid button down shirt and jeans...some boots too.
ReplyDeleteDon't you hate it when you've the drop on them, and they come on all cocky?
ReplyDeleteI see Gilligan from Gilligan's Island when I picture Billy. Come see my entry, will you?
You really caught me with the last line. Roland
Wow! I like that line about Elmer Fudd, too.
ReplyDeleteI think Billy's around late thirties, with dark brown hair he keeps cut short and some stubble.