WRiTE CLUB 2018 - Bout #8

Reminder - You can follow along with all of the bout results right HERE, and remember, the bouts stay open for one week and some of the first weeks are still live.

Today is the 8th of 15 bouts with a pair of contestants ready to climb into the ring.  Here's a refresher of what's going on, in case you forgot how things work here.

Weeks ago the submission window opened for this year's contest where we asked anybody wishing to participate to submit a 500-word writing sample – using a pen name. The sample can be from any genre, flash fiction or something from a larger piece of work, basically, anything goes except that it cannot have been previously published or posted on the internet. All of the rules regarding how to submit can be found here. After the submission period closed, we had fifteen judges (we call them our slush pile readers) read all 181 submissions from 132 writers and once all the ballots were total we narrowed the 181 down to the 30 that will be stepping into the ring over the course of the next three weeks. Today is the first of those bouts.

How this works – two anonymous (pen name only) writing samples step into the ring. Visitors to this blog (that’s you) read both entries and vote for the one that resonates the most with you. We ask that you leave a brief critique for both writers with your vote because that is one of the real values of this contest – FEEDBACK. Please be respectful with your remarks!

Even though there will be a different bout every day (M-F), the voting for each bout will remain open for seven days from the date it is posted to give as many people as possible to have a say. The voting for today’s bout will close on Tuesday, May 1st (noon central time).

It’s that simple. The piece that garnishes the most votes moves on to the next round where they’ll face a different opponent. Using a tournament style format, the 30 contestants will be whittled down to just 2, and the winner of that final bout will be announced at the DFW Writers Conference in Hurst TX June 9-10. 

In case of a tie, I’m the deciding vote. I can do that because, like all of you, I do not know the real names of our contestants either (my wife processes all the submissions).

Oh yeah – for every bout that you vote in, your name (see rule #2 below) will be placed into a hat for a chance for a $40 Barnes and Noble Gift card that will be drawn after the contest concludes.

A few rules –

1) One vote per visitor per bout.

2) Although our contestants are anonymous, voters cannot be. Anonymous votes will not count, so if you do not have a Google account and are voting as a guest, be sure to include your name and email address.

3)Using any method (email, social media, text, etc) to solicit votes for a specific contestant will result in that contestant's immediate disqualification. It’s perfectly okay, in fact, it is encouraged to spread the word about the contest to get more people to vote, just not for a specific writer!

That’s enough jibber-jabber…like the man say’s –

In the far corner, we have Elvis Pugsley representing the Short Story genre.

Out beside the gas pumps in the hot West Texas sun, I was ass-deep in the station wagon’s engine. There was such a wealth of problems I had to start alphabetically, and work my way through. I was up to ‘D’, for ‘Distributor’, when I rapped my knuckles good on that engine block and let fly with enough cussing to have a sailor sanding his ears down.

“Mr. Hoskins, you use a lot of bad words.”

I hadn't heard little Monica come up behind me, and considered just shooting myself but figgered that’d be more traumatizing to her than my language had been.

“Yes I do, and neither you nor your brother should ever, ever talk the way I do,” I told her as I backed out, banged my head against the hood, and damn near had to chew my tongue off to keep from spewing even more profanity.

“Mama’s teaching me to speak good… speak right…”

As I turned around I saw her face screwing up for tears while she searched for the correct word.

“Try ‘speak well’, angel.”

“Mama’s teaching me to speak well… yes sir, that’s it,” she said, as the threat of tears disappeared. She smiled a shy little smile at me and toddled off.

I was leaning back, smiling myself at the sight of her… and wondering if a merciful God’d ever forgive me enough to trust me with such a treasure, when I heard her Mama clearing her throat behind me.

“Don’t worry, Mr. Hoskins. She’s heard much worse.”

I turned to face her.

“Now I suspect you’re fibbing, Mrs. Carswell. I been around rough talk all my life. I know how I sound.”

She smiled, and for a second I could see the beautiful young woman she’d been before life had beaten her down like a long-hair freak at a honky-tonk..

“Well, maybe I was fibbing, just a bit… but you and Mrs. Hoskins have been so kind… I guess as far as I’m concerned, as far as we’re all concerned, you can do no wrong.”

I winced a little inside, thinking about all that she and her family didn’t know… all they’d never know.

She took my hands, dirty and greasy, in hers, and squeezed them.

“Thank you, Mr. Hoskins… for everything.”

She went to chase down her toddling treasure, and I got back to work on giving them a way to make Phoenix.

They were tearfully grateful for clean, soft beds, and meals while I fixed their car… but the floodgates were well and truly opened the next morning when we forced a thousand dollars on them, telling them it was a ‘loan’.

Watching Ed and Kathy’s reactions, I knew they’d find a way to repay it, make it a real loan instead of a disguised gift, soon as they could. Made me feel good… made Renee feel good… like maybe we wasn’t just predators, taking from the fat and the criminal.

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And in the near corner, we have Jett Jaguar representing the Short Story genre.

10

The great fish, whose name is a melody days long, broods in the depths. The frigid current chills his pain. All the creatures marvel at his song, and weep.

9

The fish follows the sailing ships of the land walkers. He drives away any of his kind who seek to breach the ships’ hulls. They sense regret clinging to him like remora.

8

The fish nudges the woman’s body. Her golden hair billows about her head. Her skin is pale like moonlight and swells from her bones. The sea has rinsed the color from her face. Her eyes stare without sight, and her lips part without words. The fish mourns.

7

The woman stands on the beach, gazing out over the sea. She does not play. The shaggy four-legs prods her feet. The fish watches and is terrified. After many days, she walks into the water. The fish has grown too great to swim over the reef to push her back to the shore.

6

The fish finds the copper-haired man among debris from the ship.  His coverings drag his body into the depths. The fish fears for the one he loves.

5

The land walkers sail to hunt the tuna, the mackerel, the hake, all those creatures the great fish and his kind must eat. He feels anger at their intrusion and the hunger of his kind, and attacks their ship. The men fall into the sea, dragged downward by their heavy coverings. The fish feels unease, but this puzzles him.

4

The woman and a man with copper hair play on the beach. They throw sticks to shaggy four-legs, splash water at each other, chase seagulls away.  She chooses seashells, and he washes them in the surf.  Later, their bodies lie together in the sand. The fish watches them and feels joy.

3

The fish hunts cuttlefish in the tidal pools. He grows.

2

The fish watches the woman play on the beach. She throws sticks to a shaggy four-legs, chases seagulls into the sky, gathers seashells and washes them in the surf. She sits by the water, dragging a stick through the sand.  She gazes out over the water with her eyes far away.  The fish loves her.

1

The tiny fish flees a cuttlefish with angry dark stripes and waving tentacles. He is foolish for swimming in the shallow pool, so close to shore. Just as the beast strikes, a woman with golden hair plucks him from its grasp. She holds him in her palm and speaks to him:

“Oh, you are a fine fellow. Do not fear, little one. You will grow to be great and mighty, and all the creatures of the sea will harken to your song and marvel.”

The fish feels wonder, and believes.

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Leave your votes and critiques in the comments below. Again, be respectful of your remarks and try to point positives as well as detractions.

We’ll be back tomorrow with another bout.  See you then.