Here we go! Today
begins the first of eighteen bouts that will make up the initial round of the WRiTE CLUB play-offs. They will all span the next two weeks, posted
on Mon-Wed-Fri, on this and two other blogs.
Here are the links to the blogs where the other bouts can be found.
DL Hammons @ Cruising Altitude 2.0
Julie Dao @ Silver Lining
Your task is simple…read the submission from each WRiTER below
carefully and leave your vote for the sample that resonates with you the
most. If you haven’t already done so in
the preliminary rounds, offer some critique if you have time. Anyone reading this can vote (after signing
up on this Linky
List) so blog/tweet/facebook/text/smoke signal everyone you know and get
them to take part in the fun. You will
have until noon on Sunday (Oct. 28th) to vote on the first nine
bouts, then noon Sunday (Nov. 4th) for the second nine. Vote on as many bouts as you can get around
to. Whether that is one bout, or all
eighteen, how much you participate is up to you.
The eighteen winners will be posted on the afternoon of Nov.
4th and the next round will kick off the following Monday with edited versions
of the winning writing samples.
Good luck to both WRiTER’s!
And now…..
Don’t!
I’m not sure if I said it, screamed it, or typed it.
Possibly all three. I sat longer than I should have staring at three empty and
hollow words, I love you. Each letter was a dagger ripping into my chest doing
more damage than bullets ever could.
If you loved me, you wouldn’t do this!
My heart started pounding harder than using a sledgehammer
for a small nail. It went through my chest, vibrated my hands. Find a phone,
call her, my rational brain explained calmly. My eyes stung like acid was being
poured into them. She’s going to do it, she’s actually going to do it this
time. Please no. Please don’t. Wait, just wait for me.
Frantic, I found her picture in my phone, the one of her and
Baxter, and jammed my finger into the little green send. Straight to voicemail.
Fuck! Her phone is off, fuck, her phone is off! The coherent voice started
screaming, and that’s when I knew, my best friend would kill herself.
Hyperventilating, I called her parents, my parents, and the
cops. They told me to relax, they’d investigate. Nothing in their voices
reassured me. Throwing on my five-finger running shoes, I tore off my shirt and
sprinted the six mile run to her house.
Hours later, I was clutching a black stuffed dog that was
missing an eye, and rocking back and forth when the house phone finally phone
rang.
Please be her, please be her. “Hello?” I asked breathless
from flying down the stairs. Liz hadn’t been home when I’d arrived at her
house, anxiety and shakiness only filling me more. I couldn’t find a note,
anything that would lead me to her.
It had been hours since our conversation, each minute that
passed was a century of uncertainty. Please, Elizabeth, this better be you.
This isn’t funny.
“Claire,” my sister spoke in my ear. My name was shaky on
her lips, and a cold chill enveloped my body. Somehow, though she was a million
miles away, someone found out before I did and called her to break the news.
“She’s dead isn’t she?” I asked in a cracking voice.
“I’m so sorry.”
Without another word, I hung up and threw the phone against
the wall, exploding it into four different pieces.
I’d learn later that night that Elizabeth’s body was found
in the river. Though everyone I’d called told me she was going through a phase,
I knew it wasn’t, and now my best friend was dead. Not just dead, a suicide, a
high school statistic.
Maybe if I’d tried to call her right away, maybe if I’d
stolen a car to get to her house rather than run there she’d still be alive.
But I didn’t. I fucking ran there, and I wasn’t there in time.
You love me, huh? I asked the girl who was no longer here. If you loved me, you never would have done this.
**********************************************************
And in the other corner, also anxious to return to the ring, let me re-introduce.... Alondra Larkin.
Irovel walked through the busy streets of Yonden Hithis,
looking for a place where she could stand to watch the execution. Word had come
up to her in the hills – Barjuk, her sister's murderer, had stood trial and been
found guilty. He would die today.
The crowd made Irovel uncomfortable. If these people knew
what she was, knew that she was different … well, she might just end up as dead
as the prisoner standing by the execution block was about to be. There had to be
a place she could watch without being jostled so much.
She looked up at the buildings lining the street, and saw
one with a roof sturdy enough to climb on top of. Hurriedly, Irovel went around
back and climbed the rain barrel to get onto it. She had always preferred the
high ground.
The roof was empty, and she slid across it until she could
see the heads of the people below. From above, the crowd varied little as her
eyes swept across it to the wooden riser upon which stood the prisoner and his
guards. The people were all so dark of hair and skin that she could hardly tell
one from another. She knew the prisoner, though. That one could never hide from
her. Trees would grow old and die before she would forget what he had done.
The executioner was a killer himself – only a fool would
sacrifice his freedom to wear the wooden soldier’s mask that hid his face – but
one who had subjected himself to the law instead of fleeing from justice. The
magistrate, a clear-eyed woman, stepped up to pronounce sentence. “This man has
killed with his face bared to the world. Now he will so die. Let it be done!”
she said.
Irovel heard a sound from beside her, and turned to see a
man climb onto the next rooftop. He too was masked, and he held a bow in his
hand. He nocked an arrow and drew back, aiming for the magistrate. The crowd,
oblivious, cried out with one voice. "Kill him! Kill the murderer!"
Barjuk cringed at the sound.
“Stop!” Irovel shouted at the archer. He stopped; he had no
choice. People down below who heard her froze in place, then turned to see who
had spoken. Irovel crouched to hide her face from them. Her voice always
carried the ring of truth, but giving a direct command was much more dangerous
than simply speaking. Somebody might figure out what she was.
Across the street, the sentence was carried out. Irovel’s
cry alerted the guards to the presence of the archer, and the executioner
hurriedly escorted the magistrate down from the block before the assassin could
recover.
Seeing his plot foiled, the masked archer turned and loosed
his bow at Irovel instead. Pain blossomed in her shoulder, and she felt more
than heard a loud pop. The seething anger in his gaze filled her vision as she
tumbled to the street.
**********************************************************
Don’t forget to visit the other two sites and vote for your
favorite in those bouts as well!
Remember the WRiTE CLUB motto,
it’s not about the last man/woman standing, it’s about who knocks the audience
out!
ARGH! Now things are getting REALLY tough! I am going to vote for Alondra Larkin. :D
ReplyDeleteMy vote goes to Alondra. The writing is smoother, more developed.
ReplyDeleteI'm voting for Alondra.
ReplyDeleteBaxter. I found Alondra's piece confusing and muddled.
ReplyDeleteYep -- just as I figured, the second round bouts are going to be a LOT tougher...
ReplyDeleteI voted for both of these in the prelims. I like the emotional impact of Baxter's piece, and Alondra's evokes good characterization and underlying story questions.
But head-to-head, I think Alondra's is a little stronger. Baxter's has a much more erratic flow, while Alondra keeps the story progressing a little better.
So Alondra for me today.
Alondra Larkin.
ReplyDeleteMy vote goes to Alondra.
ReplyDeleteMy vote goes to Alondra Larkin.
ReplyDeleteDL - I went to Silver Lining and besides being very hard to read, I couldn't find where to comment. Is anyone else having trouble there?
ReplyDeleteHave to vote for Baxter Talltree although these two pieces are pretty evenly matched.
ReplyDeleteStacy - I just left my comment at Silver Lining without trouble. A small window popped up with the comment form at the bottom.
Hmmm...I'm gonna go with Alondra Larken. I really liked both pieces, but I the similes/metaphors in Baxter's, such as "My heart started pounding harder than using a sledgehammer for a small nail" and "My eyes stung like acid was being poured into them" drew me out of the story and slowed down the pace.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely Baxter Talltree. I could feel the urgency, the pain, the grief. Alondra's piece suffers from a lot of telling.
ReplyDeleteI remember both of those - tough decision! Going with Alondra today.
ReplyDeleteBaxter Talltree gets my vote today.
ReplyDeleteMy vote is for Alondra
ReplyDeleteWow this one was tough. My vote goes to Alondra today.
ReplyDeleteNow we're starting to call down the thunder in these matches big time. I enjoyed both but Baxter gets my vote.
ReplyDeleteMy vote goes to Baxter today.
ReplyDeleteAlondra today gets my vote.
ReplyDeleteAlondra for me! It's one of my favorites.
ReplyDeleteBaxter Talltree
ReplyDeleteAck! I thought it was tough before. Now I'm really having trouble deciding. I'll have to go with Alondra this time.
ReplyDeleteAlondra for me. And yes, gonna get tougher from here on out. Yeesh.
ReplyDelete(P.S. Could someone direct me to the information on the skirmishes? I can't find anything, other then there will be skirmishes for the people who's stories didn't make it into the fight...wasn't sure how that was working.)
DeleteI don't believe DL's said much more than that yet. Just that there will be skirmishe posts after Write club is completed so that the entries that didn't get randomly selected for write club bouts can still get anonymously posted for feedback and comments. Other than that, I don't think he's finalized anything yet.
DeleteI like both pieces, but I'm going with Baxter. It was a more gripping piece for me. The sentence about her heart like a sledgehammer didn't work for me though - couldn't picture that metaphor with the small nail.
ReplyDeleteGood luck both!
This one was difficult, but I'm going with Alondra. But great job to both writers.
ReplyDeleteI still love Baxter Talltree's piece. So intense!
ReplyDeleteYikes. Tough choice to start off this round! I like both pieces a lot.
ReplyDeleteI think my vote will go to #2
I'm voting for Alondra this time around.
ReplyDeleteBaxter - your piece was gripping, but not as smooth a read for me.
I'm going with Alondra.
ReplyDeleteUgh, I don't think voting for these rounds will be all that easy. I'm going with Baxter because the piece was more riveting to me.
ReplyDeleteBoth writers have vivid characters and high emotional content. I'm a little more drawn into Alondra's story however, so Alondra has my vote.
ReplyDelete......dhole
My vote is for Baxter. This is getting tough. Great job to both writers.
ReplyDeleteBoth are well written and engaging--making you want to know more! My vote goes to Baxter though. Emotional stories always get me.
ReplyDeleteFelt a little detached from the first one. Vote for Alondra.
ReplyDeleteWith three bouts a day, I'd better stay on top of this voting, eh? (Apparently a day late qualifies as staying on top of things for me.) Unless I have some new sort of insights, I'll just be voting with an indication of why I picked one over the other.
ReplyDeleteThis vote goes to Baxter Talltree because I connected more with that one emotionally.
Baxter
ReplyDeleteThis is tough - but my vote goes to Baxter!
ReplyDeleteBaxter's had the better emotion, Alondra drew me in more. I have no interest in seeing what happens next in Baxter's piece.
ReplyDeleteI'm going with Alondra.
I vote for Alondra.
ReplyDeleteBaxter's piece made me want to read faster, and thus gets my vote.
ReplyDeleteMy vote goes to Baxter. Alondra's piece seemed like a small part of a much bigger story, while Baxter's felt like a more complete piece despite the short length. Although Alondra's story was well written and used more interesting and varied vocabulary, it seemed to raise more questions than it resolved, which I found frustrating.
ReplyDeleteEven though incredibly sad, Baxter's story made me hold my breath, hoping against hope for Claire to reach Elizabeth in time... Claire's anger, pain and helplessness was tangible. (The story also happens to strike a personal cord - fortunately in my case I was lucky enough to reach my friend in time.)