Six Guaranteed Ways to Boost Your Sex Hits (Oops, I Meant Site Hits)

I’m postponing my return to regular writing-related content for one more day so I can share a few insights I’ve gleamed from my years of surfing the internet. Specifically, I want to show you how to increase the traffic on your web site or blog. I’m not talking about high-brow methods such as making sure to post quality content, utilizing interviews with published authors or the occasional contests to give-away ARC’s. No sir. I’m talking about those low-rent techniques you’re more likely to find being used on web-sites your security filter would deem restricted. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure this stuff out, just observant, and willing to lower your standards a bit. So, without further adieu…here are my six simple tips

1. By far, the single most important element in getting web-browsers pointed in your direction is the title of your post, or web-link. Every self-respecting salesman has ever been taught, “Getting them to walk through that door is half the battle.” And one of the most popular tricks used is structuring your blog post in the form of a numbered list. If you look around most popular browser home-pages such as YAHOO or DIGG, you’ll see multiple examples of what I’m talking about. This is a sampling just today of the real articles seeking attention on my own startup page.

Nine Most Badass (And Possibly Insane) Sports Of All-Time
Five Dance-Pop Remakes So Bad You’ll Puke
Ten Disappointing NFL Teams
Five Scary Cancer Questions
Eight Reasons you should watch Stargate Universe tonight
Five Things We Want to Know about MC Hammer’s Jaz-Z Diss Video
The 25 Hottest Women Born in November
Five Reasons Why Bert & Ernie Should Come Out of the Closet

2. Whenever possible, use the word GUARANTEED in your title. Let’s face it, most people are gullible and will fall for that gimmick every time, at least enough to get them through the door and reading the first paragraph of your blog.

3. Technically, this could be considered 2B because it also involves the title. Find a way to work the word SEX into your title. Do I really have to explain that one?

4. Change your domain name so it includes key wording used in the most frequent Google searches. For example: http://dlcruisingaltitude.dallascowboycheerleaders.blogspot.com.

5. Window decorations never hurt!

6. Finally, it doesn’t matter what you do to get the traffic flowing in your direction because unless you entertain them once they arrive, they won’t be back. So you’d better make sure you elicit one of four things from your visitors while they are here…a nod of the head, a chuckle, a sigh, or a tear. The internet is vast and counter-oriented to our attention spans, so here…more than anywhere…make every word count!

I hope everybody understands that my tongue is firmly planted in cheek, and I would never actually utilize any of these techniques. I do have some measure of self-respect, after all!

*wink*