WRiTE CLUB is a writing
community sensation sponsored by the DFWWriters Conference that is loosely based on the popular movie Fight Club. There are numerous versions of this concept
floating around the internet, but nothing like we do it here. This unique approach embodies simple,
good-natured competition, with lots and lots of fun sprinkled on top.
We've
narrowed the field down to ten and we're continuing on with the play-off rounds
– which will continue to come at a rapid fire pace, Mon-Fri. The
voting for all five bouts will remain open until noon on Sunday, July 5th. Your task remains simple…read the
submission from each WRiTER carefully and leave your vote for the sample that
resonates with you the most. If you
haven’t already done so in the previous rounds, offer some critique if you have
time. Anyone reading this can vote, so
blog/tweet/facebook/text/smoke signal everyone you know and get them to take
part in the fun. Vote on as many bouts
as you can get around to. Whether that
is one bout, or all five, how much you participate is up to you.
Here’s
something else to keep in mind for this round...every vote counts. That’s
because the contestant who doesn't win their bout…but garners the most votes
amongst all of the other losers…will become a wildcard winner and still advance
to the quarterfinals.
The
winners will be posted on the WRiTE CLUB Scoreboard late in the afternoon on July 5th and then the
quarterfinals will kick off the following Monday, July 6th, again with all
new 500 word submissions from the six advancing contestants.
Good
luck to all of the WRiTER’s!
And
now…..
In
this corner, weighing in at 493 words and representing the adult fiction genre, welcome back to the ring.....Primrose
When he woke it was nearly
night, long shadows and double vision making him squint to see. Chandler struggled to sit up, needing to pee,
not sure he could make it to the bucket in the corner. He swung his feet to the cold floor, rubbing
his eyes in hopes it would clear the murky haze. Christ, if he lived through this mess, would
he end up able to see at all? Blind photography, a whole new career.
The notion had a macabre humor, and he laughed through chattering teeth,
the sound echoing around the small room.
“Glad you've kept your sense of
humor, Señor Reid.”
The voice was accented, coming
from the doorway. Chandler squinted in
that general direction.
“Might as well laugh as cry,” he
said. “You have me at a disadvantage. I
don't believe we've met.”
“It's been years, but we
have.” A man stepped from the shadows
and dragged a chair to the bedside, flicking the wall switch to turn on the
overhead bulb, then sat and faced Chandler.
He was dark-skinned, dressed in khakis, his black hair pulled into a ponytail.
“A few years ago you came to the jungle encampment with Neal Christopher. Took
my photograph for the magazine cover.
Best picture I ever had. Mama
still has it framed on her wall. Right
next to the Pope.”
“Juan Ravel?” Chandler closed his left eye and concentrated
on focusing the right one. “What are you
doing here?”
“I am afraid a couple of my
lieutenants overstepped their orders to bring you to me for an interview and
decided to shoot you instead.” A frown
marred Ravel's handsome face. “They
decided you could be ransomed to buy guns for the revolution. It was safer for them to believe you were
more valuable to keep alive than to kill.
That is why they brought you here instead of putting a final bullet in
your brain.”
“Lot of work for nothing,”
Chandler said. “My government doesn't
pay ransom.”
“Ah, but fortunately for you,
your friend Señor
Christopher does.” Ravel leaned closer,
his voice a whisper. “We have made a
plan to get you out of here, but we only have a day or two, at the most.”
“I'm not sure we have that long,
Ravel.” Chandler was feeling worse by
the minute, his body twitching with pain and trembling with chills. He leaned back against the dirty pillow, but
couldn't lift his legs back on the bed.
“You aren't going to get money for a dead hostage.”
“I'm not going to let you die,
Señor.” With surprising gentleness, Ravel lifted
Chandler's feet onto the bed and pulled the rough blanket up around him. “I have antibiotics and medicine for the
fever. Consuelo is making you some
soup. You just have to make it a few
hours more. Can you do that, amigo? Just
hang on?”
“I'll try, Ravel. No promises.” The words came faintly, through
numb lips. “Just fucking hurry.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And
in the other corner, representing the fantasy genre with 467 words let me
introduce to you………. Kim Patterson
Vasil
stood staring at the target for a long time before he bothered with his
daggers. It had become a sort of tradition for him, in an accidental sort of
way. When he was a kid, he’d lacked the confidence to hit anything if he
thought anyone was watching. So when he’d been in target practice with the
other kids, he had stood and stared at the target until he was sure nobody was
watching him. Then he would throw.
Now
he had no reason for it, except that he’d always done it. It was a good luck
ritual. So now he stood, staring at the target. After several long minutes of
holding his daggers loose at his sides, he finally lifted one, wound up, and
threw it. Then the other. Then he collected them and started again.
Rosica
wanted him to leave Atanas—his home. The first time she’d suggested it,
he’d scoffed at her, because she had suggested it for selfish reasons. But now
he knew it would help fix his problem too, he was considering it. Was he a
terrible person?
Thunk. Thunk. The daggers sank into the target one after the other
again. Vasil stared at them for a long time before yanking them back out. He
really was a terrible, selfish person, wasn’t he? He only did things if they
were for his own good. He’d thought that he liked Rosica, but he hadn’t even
supported her in fixing her own problems before he demanded her help in fixing
his. If he expected anything to happen between them, didn’t he need to be
supportive and make sure that he accepted her flaws and all that rubbish?
Rubbish? Look at you, Vasil! You can’t even think
about doing the good things for her without calling it rubbish. She’s only even
helping you because she owes you a favour. Otherwise you’d still be on your
own.
“Get
a grip on yourself, Vasil,” he muttered. Rage was building inside him, but he
wasn’t entirely sure why. Sure, he was annoyed with himself for being an ass,
but there was no need to be so freaking angry. And yet it bubbled at the
surface until he couldn’t take it any longer. He let out a wild yell and threw
a dagger again. It hit near the centre of the target. Then something changed.
He
couldn’t explain exactly what it was, but Vasil dropped to his knees, feeling
like his chest was about to explode. There was so much anger in him, and none
of it was his.
It
felt as if Vasil were being dragged backwards out of his own life, as if he
were disappearing down a long tunnel so that he could see everything through
just a small hole. What was happening to him?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enjoying
two talented writers at work is only part of the price of admission, now it’s
up to you to decide who moves forward.
In the comments below leave your vote for the winner. Which one tickled your fancy? After you vote please tell all of your
friends to stop by and make a selection as well. Yes, it’s subjective, but so is the entire
publishing world. It’s as much about the
readers as it is about the writers.
This
is WRiTE CLUB – the contest where the audience gets clobbered!
I vote for Kim Patterson. While neither piece wowed me, KP's writing is richer. But I'm not sure I really care what happens to Vasil.
ReplyDeletePrimrose has a solid premise and I can see where it is going but I disliked all of the gerunds in the first paragraph and the few run on sentences. Bit stereotypical, too.
Never thought of counting gerunds. Lol. Both first paragraphs have three. Both are solid. Primrose gets my vote.
ReplyDeleteI guess Primrose for me, although I thought it could use some tightening and editing-- mostly small things, like using "he" in the first sentence, and then "Chandler" in the second, which for a moment made me think there were two people in the room.
ReplyDeleteWith Kim Patterson, I just felt this guy did nothing but stare at things and sulk, so it was hard to get interested in him, and ending the piece on a question just didn't work for me.
Congrats to both authors for making it this far, and good luck.
I meant "already" two people in the room, since, obviously, there is a second person
ReplyDeletePrimose gets my vote mainly because there's action hopefully leading somewhere. I would have liked a little more description or emotion to ground me to the scene, but it's a good start.
ReplyDeleteThe second one was mostly ruminating. That's not the way to hook a reader. My advise to Kim (not that you asked for it) is to maybe start with the argument with Rosita (you can show a lot about a person by the way they argue). Then show his anger as he throws his daggers or show him getting calm as he throws them so when he's hit with this other anger, it's more apparent.
Kim Patterson gets my vote.
ReplyDeleteKim Patterson for me again this round. Congrats to all for making the cut this far.
ReplyDeleteKim Patterson
ReplyDeleteKim Patterson for me!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to vote for Primrose, same reasons as Kim English.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, congrats to all the writers who got this far! This has been a really fun contest to read all the different submissions :)
Kim Patterson's writing is rich, but I don't have any reason to care. A catalog can have beautiful writing and I still won't pick it up to read.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, Primrose's piece has things happening to draw me in. I want to know why Chandler is there, where "there" is and, most importantly, will he make it out alive? It is a story and that is what I want in the 500 words.
Congratulations to both. This week's vote goes to Primrose.
Kim Patterson
ReplyDeleteKim Patterson becuase Primrose's entry was confusing to me.
ReplyDeletePrimrose, for me. I was gripped by the language, and I love the mood.
ReplyDeleteKim Patterson definitely!
ReplyDeleteKim Patterson for me. I know not much happens, but I feel like I know the character by the end of the piece.
ReplyDeletePrimrose
ReplyDeleteVote for Primrose. Got a good feel for the setting and characters right away, though much of the syntax needs polishing and tightening up, and the situation feels a bit old-school.
ReplyDeleteKim Patterson just did not hook me with all the internal rage. Hint-dropping -- talking about the argument and leaving home-- isn't the same as backstory or foreshadowing. Distracted by the needless repetition "stared...a long time" "but now" "so now" and "sort of" - plenty of words wasted on filler that could have been used to develop the scene, character, or plot.
I choose primrose this round. This is a real story. I'm a little tired of fantasy.
ReplyDeletePrimrose for me.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck to both writers!
Primrose
ReplyDeleteKIM for me!
ReplyDeletePrimrose had such a strong piece the first time as it said enough in the short word limit and really grounded me but this piece, although well written, feels out of context and I couldn't quite grasp what was going on.
Despite Kim's piece being too melodramatic for my tastes, I felt there was more character development for me to hang onto which helped in grounding me to the story.
Kim patterson
ReplyDeleteKim Patterson, Vasil seems like an intriguing character. Wouldn't mind reading more about his backstory.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed them both almost equally. But I'm giving my vote to Kim, because I'm slightly more invested in the next line, and the ones after that. I can see how the character could evolve, and be interesting to follow for the next 90,000 words.
ReplyDeleteVote for Kim Patterson
ReplyDeletePrimrose for me.
ReplyDeletePrimrose
ReplyDeletePrimrose completely hooked me.
ReplyDeleteI vote for Kim Patterson.
ReplyDeleteVoting for Kim.
ReplyDeletePrimrose!!! For sure
ReplyDeletePrimrose
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMy vote goes to Kim Patterson.
ReplyDeleteI vote Kim Patterson
ReplyDeleteKim gets my vote
ReplyDeleteI loved it! PRIMROSE. Great characters.
ReplyDeletePrimrose
ReplyDelete