After weeks of anticipation and build up, the time has
finally arrived! Gather around one and all,
there are plenty of good seats left. Have you punched your ticket by signing up
on the Linky List? No voting allowed unless you’ve done that first.
WRiTER’s from far
and wide, spanning the globe, representing all ages and multiple styles of WRiTING, have gathered here today to
witness the inaugural bout of the 2012 version of WRiTE
CLUB! Our illustrious WRiTER’s are not only from all walks of life, but they also occupy
various levels of the publication world.
I’m told by my wife that within our ranks we have everything from newbie
bloggers to the recently published. But none of that matters today, because inside
the ring they stand as equals.
The submissions have been steadily pouring in, so much so
that I’ve decided to break one of the rules of WRiTE CLUB and hold two bouts per week. I’ll be hosting new bouts every Monday and
Thursday for twelve weeks and the voting for every fight will last one full
week. So a you can vote for a Monday battle all the way until midnight on
Sunday, and you can vote for a Thursday brawl up until midnight the following
Wednesday.
Here are the first two randomly selected WRiTER's.
Standing in this corner, weighing in at 493 words, please
welcome to the ring……..Ratz
As he poured tea into his wife’s cup, he fantasized about
pulverizing her head with the iron skillet. A wistful smile flitted across his
face, but quickly faded. Hell, he’d never be able to smash the smirk off her
face. With his luck, her head would break the skillet.
“What’s taking so
long?” she screeched. “Do I have to call Daddy?”
He muttered a
curse before going to her. “No need,” he said, fighting the urge to dump the
oolong into her lap.
She snapped her
cellphone shut. “Good. Another satisfactory stalemate.”
He winced.
According to her, they reached stalemate a dozen times a day. She’d never
played a game of chess in her life, and wouldn’t know a stalemate if it bit her
in the ass.
“Don’t give me
that look. It’s your job to keep me happy,” she said. “Or you’ll lose
everything. That’s the deal.”
“Some deal,” he
muttered. “Here,” he said, handing her a plate of cookies. Maybe he should give
that rat poison another shot. Put it in the cookies next time. It didn’t even
upset her stomach when he put it in her tea. If anything, it made her meaner.
Maybe she was part cockroach.
She opened her
phone. “Guess I better let Daddy know you want out.”
The pulse pounded
at his temples, and he narrowed his eyes. “Screw you and your half-assed
bluffs! You’re damned right I want out.”
He ripped the
phone out of her hand and threw it. “Want it? Fetch!”
She glared at him
and pushed herself out of the chair.
He shoved her
back down, and snarled, “Stalemate!”
She sat in
stunned silence while he tied her hands and feet, and gagged when he waved a
pair of panties under her nose. “Disgusting?” he said. “Two words for you:
toilet paper.” He stuffed them into her mouth. “Now that you’re gonna be
washing your own damned underwear, you might try using it once in a while.”
He turned on the
TV. “Before I leave this hellhole, I’m going to spend five minutes watching
what I want to watch, and eating what I want to eat.”
When he returned
from the kitchen, he tossed a piece of popcorn into the air and caught it in
his mouth. “Is that a tear I see? Don’t worry, darlin’. I’ve got some cash
waiting for me offshore. Oh, but you aren’t really worried about me, are you?
You’re worried about you.” He laughed. “Don’t worry. Your old man might find
you before it’s too late. If he gives a damn.”
He caught three
more pieces of popcorn in his mouth, and then abruptly stopped laughing. With
eyes wide and watery, he banged a frantic Heimlich maneuver on his own chest.
When he fell to
his knees, his face was already turning blue. He gaped at his wife’s triumphant
smirk for the last time.
Stalemate?
He crumpled to the
floor and closed his eyes.
Nope.
*******************************************************************************
And in the other corner, weighing in at 451 words, let me introduce to you……Word Whittler
“Oh my g - …” Julia breathed heavily and scrambled
to Faith. “That thing – it’s a…”
“A dragon.” Faith said
the word, but the beast towering over them looked nothing like the creatures
from her dreams. Lacking scales and
muscles, its grotesque form consisted of ligaments, tendons and bone. A pea green flame wove along its frame,
fanning out to a thin web upon its unfurled wings. Its body filled the room, enforcing a pressure
so intense Faith’s fingernails cut through to the padding beneath
the carpet. Her arms trembled, fighting
to regain her crouched position.
The skeletal dragon craned its neck down, bringing its
skull close to the girls. Top points of
its wings scraped the ceiling. A
whimper escaped Julia’s lips. Faith’s
throat constricted. Her heart drummed
triple time.
It hissed through jagged teeth. “I am an infernal of Jie lieth. I seek the keys and girl of dragon chain.”
Its breath was like a blast of heat, singeing the round
tops of Faith’s cheeks. Her ears tingled. Her eyes stuck open, all the moisture sapped
away. She forced a dry swallow to free
her voice.
“You, you, you have the wro-wrong place,”
Faith stuttered. One empty eye socket,
the size of her head, locked on to her.
Not an eyeball to swivel, yet it glared down at her. With godlike speed, it thrust its
claws forward, pinning Faith and Julia against the wall. Their feet dangled above the floor.
“It is one of you!” It pressed its skull even closer. “One
of you has…” The creature turned its
focus upon Julia then cackled. “…the dragon chain.”
Faith wondered what the beast found so funny. From the corner of her eye, she glimpsed
a small chain around Julia’s neck. At
the center of her chest rested a piece of silver reflecting the
firelight…the shape, a dragon with a round belly.
The beast – its words - made sense to Faith, at least part of
it. The silver dragon was a locket
hand-made by her father, a gift from a time too long ago to remember. What could this thing want with me? She
shuddered at a dawning truth. The
creature had its sights set on Julia instead.
The wrong girl.
Her apartment had been invaded, torn apart and
set ablaze. Now the very same beast
mistook Julia as the girl of dragon chain…and for what, some blasted keys she
knew nothing about? A bitter cold
swelled deep inside her belly. Her
growing anger fueled it into her veins.
The chill coursed to her fingertips and the soles of her feet. A violet glow shined between the spaces of the
creature’s claw. And it noticed.
Shifting its focus back upon Faith, it rasped, “Ejule marks
you, tarode! Such cannot be.”
*******************************************************************************
Enjoying two talented writers at work is only part of the price of admission, now it’s up to you to decide who moves forward to the playoffs, and who will return to WRiTE another day. In the comments below leave your vote for the winner of round 1. Which one tickled your fancy? Tell all of your friends to stop by, sign up, and make a selection as well. The voting for this round will remain open until noon Sunday. Yes, it’s subjective, but so is the entire publishing world. It’s as much about the readers as it is about the writers. Here in WRiTE CLUB, it’s not about the last man/woman standing, it’s about who knocks the audience out!
It’s also not too late if you want to submit something for
possible selection in future rounds. You
can enter the fray at anytime during the first twelve rounds by submitting your
own 500 word sample and become a full-blown member of WRiTE CLUB. Just check out
the rules here…then
come out swinging!
See you for round 2 on Thursday! :)
How do we vote again? Just by commenting? If so, one vote to Ratz.
ReplyDeleteYEAH!!!
ReplyDeleteThis were both tantalizing pieces!
For me, this round goes to ... Ratz!
Good luck everyone!
HMG
Awesome, two great entries, but my vote goes to Word Whittler!
ReplyDeleteThey were both great! My vote goes to Ratz.
ReplyDeleteA tough decision! I enjoyed reading both of them, but my vote goes to Word Whittler. :-)
ReplyDeleteI liked Word Whittler's piece the most. Really had me intrigued. ^_^
ReplyDeleteMy vote for this round goes to Word Whittler!
ReplyDeleteOne vote for Ratz.
ReplyDeleteYEAH! I'm so excited this is back!!! Although I enjoyed the second piece, my vote goes to RATZ. The first story grabbed my attention more with its dark humor and appropriate ending.
ReplyDeleteHard decision, as I'm sure all the rounds will be. I'll vote for Ratz.
ReplyDeleteThis was super tough. Both pieces were awesome. I vote for Word Whittler.
ReplyDeleteI have a soft spot for dragons, so my vote goes out to Word Whittler.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWord Whittler has my vote.
DeleteGood luck everyone!
Woot! I'm excited that WRiTE CLUB is kicking off!!!
ReplyDeleteTwo very captivating pieces to start out this competition with. I compliment both of the authors.
Each piece had its merits, but overall, I preferred the one by Ratz a little more. in spite of wishing that the characters had been named and having a few POV slips, I think it flowed better and did a better job of pulling me in.
Wow, kicking this off with 2 super entries! I liked them both but my vote goes to Ratz, the ending was perfect.
ReplyDeleteBoth great stories! I'm going to vote for Ratz, I really didn't expect that ending! Brilliant :)
ReplyDeleteBoth were great, and so hard to choose (~bites nails~). My vote goes to Ratz.
ReplyDeleteI thought both of these were great, but my vote goes to Word Whittler.
ReplyDeleteI think Ratz should win this one.
ReplyDeleteI like both, but my vote is for Ratz. It had me hooked from beginning to end, and I love dark contemporary fiction.
ReplyDeleteThey were both excellent...I'll go for Ratz, but it was a difficult choice.
ReplyDeleteArgh!!!! So hard. First round and it's already super difficult. Hm. I obviously enjoyed both pieces and tones. My vote goes to Word Whittler - I'd like to see where the story goes.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness this is tough. Both are interesting pieces, but think I'm going for Ratz by a whisker on this occasion.
ReplyDeleteWow, two awesome entries. Both should be proud of their work. Ratz had great dark humor, but my vote goes to Word Whittler. I'd like to read more.
ReplyDeleteMy choice: RATZ
ReplyDeleteDuring Write Club, I'll personally be looking for pieces which have a full story arc squeezed into the max 500 words. Now, I'll yap about the fighters for this match.
I'm a fan of fantasy. Word Whittler chose a difficult piece to cram into the wordcount. It feels like an excerpt from a much larger work. Only one girl encountering the dragon-- written in 1st person--would read stronger and free up some wordcount. In a short piece like this, using undefined terminology ("infernal of Jie lieth", "dragon chain", "ejule", "tarode") keeps the reader at arm's length. Positives: Love the dragon in a contemporary setting (constricted by the confined space of an apartment) & the description of the dragon is excellent.
Ratz has submitted an entry that does have the arc I like in flash fiction. That proverbial twist-at-the-end is always a bonus and an element I enjoy in short works. I would have liked to known the names of the characters. Even in flash fiction, a little grounding is needed, and I didn't get a solid feel for the husband/wife arrangement/relationship. Positives: This one has a good bit of voice coming through. Full arc: beginning, middle, end. Twist which leaves the story open-ended.
I'm not experienced in judging these at all.. but you voiced what I was thinking to a T. If, inside 500 words, characters can be developed, and conflict and some amount of world building, not to mention a great twist, it'll get my vote.
DeleteI agree, the reason I voted for Ratz was that it was a full story. Word Whittler's story felt as if it was pulled from a WIP. It felt incomplete.
DeleteHey, just so everybody is aware, I'm quoting from a previous post: "It's just a random 500 word flash fiction piece right? It doesn't have to be from a WIP does it? Both are acceptable. It can be a fully contained story, or just an excerpt of a larger piece of work. We are concentrating on the writing style here, not story idea's."
DeleteWord Whittler (who is not me) is within the parameters of this contest. Of course we are all voting as we see fit using our own metric - each is valid as any other. Battle on!
Just reading back through the comments, and after reading these, I'm going to give much the same reply as Heather: While I love a self-contained piece of well-written flash, WRiTE CLUB does not require that the submissions be a complete story. Most of the entries from last year were snippets (usually openings) of what seemed to be longer pieces.
DeleteIf an entry appears to be part of a larger piece, I try to judge it from the perspective of: Does it develop characters, raise story questions, and serve a plot? Most importantly -- does it pull me in and make me want to keep reading more?
Of course, everyone's votes are entirely subjective, and I support each voter bringing their own opinions and taste to the competition, but I also hope that no-one judges the entries of WRiTE CLUB too strongly based on a criteria that falls outside of DL's guidelines for the contest.
Well, a lovely discussion has sprouted!
DeleteYes, both pieces fit within the guidelines for Write Club. No doubt.
As my original comment noted: this is my *personal* method for selecting a winner for each round. Closed stories will tend to get my vote if the writing is up to par. With that being said, great writing is great writing. I may very well go with an excerpt over a 'complete' piece if the writing floors me.
I am hoping to spell out the reasoning for my decision each round. Once again, these are nothing more than my *personal* opinions. They're meant to give a peek behind the curtain of my vote.
Great way to start off Write Club guys! My vote goes to Word Whittler.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I always like to give some feedback with my vote -- and I don't want that to be misconstrued as criticism, but I figure the authors might like to know why I voted the way I did.
ReplyDeleteI was immediately struck by the dark humor of Ratz's vignette, but I was a little turned off by the stereotyped screeching of the wife. Then, when I got to the end and realized it was an entire story in less than 500 words, I thought: Okay then. There wasn't much time for character development, and I like the twist at the end.
When I got to Word Whittler, I found the description of the skeletal dragon very intriguing. I especially liked the lines: "One empty eye socket, the size of her head, locked on to her. Not an eyeball to swivel, yet it glared down at her." But overall, I had trouble following the story. I wasn't sure which girl was the POV character until halfway through. I understand this is a scene out of the middle of a manuscript, but there were too many unexplained elements for it to stand alone as an excerpt for me.
So, in this round, my vote goes to Ratz.
Both were great. I enjoyed the subject matter of the second, but I liked the writing style more for the first. So my vote this round goes to Ratz.
ReplyDeleteThey were both wonderful. My vote is for Ratz because I couldn't stop reading and was surprised at the end. Well played!
ReplyDeleteBoth are well done, but my vote goes to Ratz.
ReplyDeleteNot a fan of dark themes but the first exhibits honed skill. Another vote for Ratz.
ReplyDeleteIt's very nice to see people giving both considered and encouraging feedback. Best of luck to both entries.
My vote goes to Ratz. Both pieces were well written, but WW had me a little confused. Ratz has a clear strong voice, but could use a little polishing here and there. Still, I found it to be the piece that held my interest and told a story.
ReplyDeleteMy votes goes to Ratz.
ReplyDeleteBoth were good but I like the twist of the first one. Vote goes to Ratz.
ReplyDeleteWord Whittler. That's the one I enjoyed reading the most and want to read more of. Liked the description of the dragon
ReplyDeleteboth very good stories! hard to judge different genres!
ReplyDeletei really enjoyed the first, but since i guessed the ending, i vote for Word Whittler
Hamfisted writing can be so divisive. That's the main reason I'm choosing Word Whittler over Ratz, who could've tried to make the characters as clever as the dialogue.
ReplyDeleteTough choice. Two different attitudes in writing. Ratz is gripping, WW
ReplyDeleteW is intriguing.
My vote goes to Word Whittler. If I had to choose between these two pieces to continue reading, I would stick with Word Whittler longer.
My vote goes to Ratz. Caught me by the short hairs right from the start.
ReplyDeleteWhile the first sentence of Ratz's story caught my attention, I didn't get into it as much as I wanted too.
ReplyDeleteWord Whittler's story was interesting to read all the way to the end of the sample. Word Whittler gets my vote.
Happy kickoff day!
ReplyDeleteThey were both great, and while I preferred the subject matter in Word Whittlers, I felt Ratz was stronger writing so my vote goes to Ratz.
But again, both were great!!
I vote for Word Whittler--loved the writing in both, but I loved the feel of the second story more.
ReplyDeleteThese were both really good. My vote is for Ratz only because I liked the story better
ReplyDeleteWord wrote the better tale, but Ratz had the cleanest write, so I vote for Ratz.
ReplyDeleteMy vote is for Word Whittler. How can you say "no" to a dragon? I mean, for reals.
ReplyDeleteBoth are great entries, but my vote has to go to Word Whittler!
ReplyDeleteWord Whittler gets a vote from me.
ReplyDeleteThis was a really tough call. Word Whittler's piece definitely had me more intrigued but I think Ratz's writing was stronger so my vote goes to Ratz.
ReplyDeleteWhile Ratz's story was more complete and had that nice twist at the end, I found the characterization to be a bit heavy-handed and stereotyped. Word Whittler's piece needs some clarity in terms of POV, but the descriptions and action were well-paced and compelling.
ReplyDeleteSo my vote goes to Word Whittler
Voting for Word Whittler. :)
ReplyDeleteMy vote goes to Word Whittler.
ReplyDeleteWahoo, RATZ for the win! That was spectacular!
ReplyDeleteThis is tough... they're both very good. I'm going to have to go with Word Whittler just because I dig dragons, so that breaks the tie.
ReplyDeleteBoth pieces were good for different reasons, but I'm going with Word Whittler on this one.
ReplyDeleteI am voting for Ratz. Not only is it my genre but loved the twist at the end.
ReplyDeleteBoth were great little snippets, but the vivid descriptions, awesome imagery and cliff hanger ending of the second entry is the one that left me wanting to read more. My vote goes to Word Whittler.
ReplyDeleteI vote for Word Whittler.
ReplyDeleteMy vote is for RATZ. It definitely filled out those <500 words more efficiently.
ReplyDeleteMy vote is for RATZ! What a twist.
ReplyDeleteI have an undying adoration for dragons and love the strong imagery given.
ReplyDeleteI vote for Word Whittler, it had me on the edge despite the slightly confusing narrative, and loved the other wordly feel of the foreign terms.
I vote Ratz! It was just so great! :D
ReplyDeleteWhile the first story had a beginning, middle, and end, it was too predictable for me. I'm going to vote for Word Whittler because of the great descriptions.
ReplyDeleteI'd have to go with Word Whittler on this one....
ReplyDeleteI vote for Ratz. An entire story arc, with a twist ending. Wonderful.
ReplyDeleteWhile I enjoyed both of these, and found them well written, my vote goes to Word Whittler, as it held my attention, and had me on the edge of my seat, more than Ratz.
ReplyDeleteBoth great entries. I liked Ratz' edge. So I vote for Ratz.
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna go with Word Whittler.
ReplyDeleteFun stuff!
ReplyDeleteI'm going with Word Whittler.
Wow, what a great start! While I liked both stories, my vote goes for Ratz.
ReplyDeleteMy vote goes to Ratz this time around.
ReplyDeleteTwo very strong entries! I'm voting for Word Whittler. Normally I don't enjoy dragons (OMG I know, I am the worst) but I LOVED this.
ReplyDeleteI must say, Ratz's first line hooked me straight away! What an intriguing story! So Ratz gets my vote!
ReplyDeleteRatz for me.
ReplyDeleteI have to go with Ratz. Wow, that was awesome...had me at the first sentence. :-)
ReplyDeleteCrap! Did I miss my chance to enter???
ReplyDeleteOK, this was hard because these guys are BOTH strong writers... Ugh! OK, I don't normally go for dragons, but I think I'm picking WORD WHITTLER.
Best to both! :o) <3
Word Whittler.
ReplyDeleteRatz was cleaner, Word Whittler generally better writing. I'm calling this a stalemate. :)
ReplyDeleteSo different - so good - such great ending moments. Ach! Word Whittler by a hair.
ReplyDeleteWord Whittler.
ReplyDeleteLove the writing and the subject.
Word Whittler for me!
ReplyDeleteAlthough I found Word Whittler's piece a little more confusing, it's got my vote; Ratz's piece was a little too one-dimensional for me, although clever and I would say more tightly written. I wouldn't continue to read Ratz's work if it came out of a larger piece - I think someone used the word hamfisted? and I was creeper out by the sudden, intense, uncontextualized violence. But I'd like to read more of WW's, even if I think it could use a bit of tidying; I found the descriptions much more compelling and the idea seemed original.
ReplyDeleteI liked the second story, too, but one vote for Ratz.
ReplyDeleteIt's tough, they were so different, but my vote goes to Word Whittler.
ReplyDeleteHoly cow - look at all these votes, D.L.! As I scrolled down and down and down I remembered what I really don't like about WRiTE Club - the voting. It's so hard! These are both great pieces, and it's so difficult to decide. But I'm going to vote for Word Whittler. I agree with other comments that it could use a bit of smoothing, but the imagery and the plot are deliciously intense. Ratz piece is also wonderful, but as someone else commented, maybe a little too one dimensional on the wife's characterization.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to go with Ratz. It was a little unsettling but very well written. The second piece was great too.
ReplyDeleteRatz gets my vote! The writer plays with dark humour with successful results, and lets the reader come to their own conclusions about the terms of the arrangement between these two equally despicable (delightfully so) characters. Calls to mind characters like "The Twits" or "Mr & Mrs Smith" where there is no real heroic personality and you're not sure who you want to win out in the end. Love it.
ReplyDeleteAn earlier voter John Lucas Hargis highlighted my thoughts on Word Whittler's piece - it's not recommended to use unknown terms in a flash fiction medium which doesn't allow room for explanations. I'm sure if all the terminology info was somehow included it would have made more sense. If a writer feels like they really have to include unknown terminology in their flash fiction, limit it to one or two. I love fantasy for the very reason that we readers get to feel that we're a part the world that the writer's mind lives in. Don't leave us behind!