An Open Letter to my Future Agent - Revisited

I penned this letter and posted it here June of 2011, and I thought it appropriate to re-post it now.  It's scary how much of it turned out to be true.

This is dedicated to Sarah...my new Agent!

Dear Mr. or Ms. Agent,

I can't address you by your proper name yet because we haven't officially met, but I know you're out there somewhere.  I'm as sure of this as I am of a setting sun in the west or the beauty of a newborn child.  When we do meet I'll probably read you this hokey letter and we'll laugh about it, then you'll point out my grammatical errors and chastise me for the weak paragraph structure.  I'll be so juiced that I'll just nod my head incessantly like one of those bobble-head toys, unable to wipe the stupid smile from my face.

We haven't connected yet because I'm still finding my way through this maze of a process designed to bring us together.  I've been spending hours upon hours scouring the database of QueryTracker and AgentQuery, or turning the pages of my well-worn Writers Market, searching for your agency's name and jotting down submission guidelines.  My query letter has been tweaked more times than Joan Rivers and the version number on my synopsis is approaching triple digits.  Whoever thought that the same skill set that served us so well while writing our manuscript should prove useful in boiling 300+ pages down into a couple of paragraphs, is frankly confused.  I feel like a college student who's been studying algebra all year long and the first question on the final exam has to do with organic chemistry.  But I'll continue to plod away, confident that I'll finally find the right collection of thoughts to jell into a coherent letter and then wait for that special day when the planets align and you click on my e-mail.  It's then that you'll first feel a tug of interest as you read about my story, and just as you're about to habitually reply with a standard form rejection, you'll pause.  Unable to put a finger on why, you'll feel compelled to read my first chapter a second time and your interest will deepen into genuine curiosity.  You'll need to read more.  The requested partial will only further stoke your interest and as soon as you ask for the full manuscript, that's when I'll have you.

After finishing my novel you'll realize you've discovered a slightly flawed project with a HUGE amount of potential.  The commercial possibilities and ways to promote it will be endless, after all, every one of my friends tell me they would pay money for my book.  Have you stopped laughing yet?  More importantly, they'd pay more money for the next one.   You see, a vote of confidence in this book is actually a future sale of two (or more).

But I understand you're not going to be 100% sold just yet because although the material is a large part of a successful partnership, the synergy has to be there as well.  That will lead to the phone call where you'll size me up and gauge our rapport.  You'll be pleasantly surprised to learn that I'm slightly older than most of the other aspiring authors you've been interacting with and confess to being willing to exchange youthful exuberance for mature ebullience.  I'll brag about the modest following my blog has accumulated and might even mention that Rachelle Gardener tweeted about it once. Then I'll warn you about my introversion and oftentimes debilitating shyness, but quickly counter by pointing out I never have a problem discussing topics near and dear to my heart...such as my writing.  That's when the conversation will drift back and forth between my book, the vision of where I see my future as a writer heading, and your ideology as an agent.  Our chat will last for almost an hour, but we'll both have made up our minds in the first five minutes.

I SOOOO look forward to spending hour after hour on the phone with you discussing the book, listening to your suggestions and agreeing to changes we both find necessary to lift it to where it must be.  I can't wait to see that final version the two of us will craft together and send out to publishers so they can experience what we both believe it possesses. Wings!

So, I know you're weary and that slushpile of query letters is more backed up than a three-hundred pound man following a twelve hour trans-Atlantic flight, but I need you to stay on top of your game.  I can't afford for you to wake up on the wrong side of the bed the very day my email jumps to the top of your queue.  I'm counting on the fact that you'll look past the fact that I put the genre and word count in the first paragraph (or the last) and concentrate less on the technical appropriateness of my query and focus on the heart of the story.  That's where you'll find me.

I'll be right here...waiting...patiently.

Sincerely,

DL

PS.  I hope you'll notice that this post, like my blog, like my query letter, strives for subtlety by saying something about me...without saying much about me.  That is to say that despite my tongue being planted firmly in cheek, my eye is on the target.  If your unable to see that, then maybe you're not my agent after all.

The Call

Anybody know Jeff Foxworthy?  If you like comedy and you haven’t heard of Jeff…look him up.  If your familiar with Jeff’s work, then you probably know his You might be a redneck if -- routine.  Well, here’s a literary version of that.  You might be a writer if…you know what the title of this post means.

That’s right…as of now I am represented by Sarah Negovetich of the Corvisiero Literary Agency. You heard me correctly…I have an agent!

Those that have known me for a while understand how long I have waited to post something like this.  I’ve congratulated more than a few writers in this blogosphere that have achieved this dream and read their stories of what it was like to finally get the “Call”, all the while putting myself in their shoes and imagining what it would be like to experience such a thing. Well…they’re my shoes now – and it feels GREAT! No more query letters...no more pitch wars...no more twitter contest.  YES!

The book I pitched that won Sarah over is titled MOVING FEAR.  It’s a YA Horror (although Sarah may reclassify it as YA Paranormal/Mystery). I'm savvy enough to realize that signing with Sarah is just another hurdle and seeing my manuscript in print isn't a sure thing yet -- but this is a validation that was sorely needed.  For the longest time I’ve felt like an unlicensed doctor, running around handing out medical advice to anyone who will listen. Now, by signing an agent it effectively slaps MD behind my name (albeit in small letters) and gives me a tiny bit of credibility. Not that obtaining an agent is the only way to earn standing -- if you sell a bunch of books, agent or not, that's good enough for me -- but you guys know what I'm talking about.

I’ve already thanked my CP’s, beta readers, query specialist, ego caressers, and morale boosters!  I even thanked the blogger whose innocuous Facebook post was the inspiration for the story.  A piece of each of them is in MOVING FEAR and my good news belongs to them well. But who I haven’t thanked yet is YOU. I’ll eventually detail my cringe-worthy path to where I am now, but for now let’s just say that in the beginning I was clueless – until I found the blogosphere.  The wealth of knowledge, experience, expertise, pointers, sage advice, industry norms, and morale support is endless. And more importantly, it is all offered with a smile and a pat on the back. I can honestly say that the writer I am today is in-part because of YOU…because the blogosphere is YOU. So thank you for everything you’ve done for me!

And one of the reasons for choosing Sarah as my agent – she writes a blog.

There are two people I feel compelled to single out with my gratitude today. Chris Fries and Julie Dao. I’ve known Chris since before I had a blog (on the writing forums) and Julie was one of my earliest CP’s. They both have been my most steadfast supporters…unwavering in their belief that today would come. They are two of my closest friends…and I’ve never met them. Thank you both so much!

In the weeks to come I’ll reveal the details of “the call” and the events that led up to it. At the same time I’ll be figuring out how things will need to be tweaked around here now that the trajectory of my writing career has been altered. Don’t worry…nothing major. If I do get a publishing deal I’ll resist any changes that might turn this into something more marketing-centric and focused on just selling books.

For those of you who are following this same dream…hang in there. My shoes will be yours one day! :)

Existing Between the Yin and Yang

It's time to get things back on-track.  And what does that mean...you ask? Well...for me...on-track is a state where there's balance between me and this wonderful blogging community. I've not enjoyed that for quite some time. The reason I haven't can't be boiled down to a single explanation, but I can say that for the most part -- they've been valid. It's part personal struggles, part technical struggles, part creative struggles, and part motivational struggles. But ultimately it came down to me wrestling with the bone-tiredness that comes from constantly struggling.

For the last two years I've basically been going through the motions here. I've allowed the WRiTE CLUB, the Blog BLITZ, and the Deja Vu Blogfest to serve as my tent posts...my main contributions and pipeline into the blogosphere.  There's been Yin...but no Yang. I've existed between the two, and every blogger worth their salt knows that to be successful you need to practice both, you must reciprocate. If you don't follow the bloggers who comment on your posts back to their own haunt...and leave meaningful comments there...sooner or later your readership will dry up and forget all about you. Frankly, I've been amazed that the people who continue to comment here have hung on for so long. Those that have hold a special place in my heart...and always will.

A good friend of mine recently kicked me in the pants and made me realize what I've allowed myself to become.  Lot's of take...and very little give. But that all changes today. There are thousands and thousands of blogs out here, so how do you choose which ones to visit and give back some Yang? That's actually easy. Starting with this post, everyone who leaves a comment will receive a return visit to their blog the same week.  If you're a multiple post per week blogger, I can't quite commit to commenting on every post, but I will hit at least one of them that week.  Baby steps. I'm also starting a new Feedly list of bloggers who regularly visit me, and even when I don't post I'll be dropping by for a chat. I'll try to expand from there, but the worst thing I could do is over-commit and end up disappointing.

That's it.  That's the plan. I know I'll never be able to return to the level I was at two years ago, but something that will allow me to maintain some sense of sanity would be nice. I'm even thinking of returning to the A-Z Challenge again this year, but I still have a little while to think about that.  

For those of you finding your way back from a long time gone past...welcome back. I've missed you. I promise not to let you down again.  :)

DL

Inspired

Thanks so much to Heather Jackson and Robin Rivera (The Writeon Sisters) for nominating me for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award! Not so long ago when blog awards were a dime a dozen and they were being passed out like towelettes at a bar-b-Que eating contest, I kind of backed away from the whole thing.  Of course I always gratefully thank the person(s) who honor me, but I rarely pass them along.  Today I'm making an exception because the WriteOn Sisters selected me primarily because of my work with the Blog BLITZ, and I'm always up to mention that.

So...here are the rules of engagement for this fun little award:

• Display the award on your blog. (check)
• Link back to the person who nominated you. (check)
• State 7 things about yourself. (check)
• Nominate other bloggers, link to them, and notify them about their nomination. (oops)

This is going to be tough...coming up with seven things I haven't talked about before...but here goes nothing.

7 THINGS ABOUT THE DL HAMMONS

1. Although I was always making things up in my head and acting them out, the first story I ever wrote down on paper was in 10th grade. My teacher thought it was so good she accused me of copying from somewhere.

2. Also in high school, I wrote for the school paper and my most popular (and controversial) piece was entitled THE ART OF SKIPPING.

3. In my wallet I carry around each of my children's first tooth. I think of it as having a piece of their smile in my pocket.

4. I once spent $50 to win a girl a cheap stuffed bear at a county fair.

5. This is my 600th post on my blog.

6. Most of my best writing idea's happen when I'm either in the shower...or a hot tub.

7. I consider the BLOG BLITZ to be the most influential thing I've ever done here in the blogosphere.  Lifting someones spirits...if even for a short time...is definitely addicting.

BLOGS I LOVE

My opportunities to visit fellow blogger sites have been severely limited, so I really don't know who is doing great work now, (except of course Alex J. Cavanaugh - who is the north star for bloggers).  So Instead of pointing you to specific bloggers, I suggest you visit the blog of anyone who takes the time to comment on this post.  I guarantee you won't be disappointed -- I have some pretty amazing followers! :)

Six Guaranteed Ways to Boost Your Sex Hits (Oops, I Meant Site Hits)

Let’s talk about traffic.  No, I’m not talking about a jam up on Interstate 45 or how many red lights you have to sit through to get past a particular intersection. What I’m referring to is how many folks pay a visit to your blog on a daily basis. I think can share a few insights that I’ve gleamed from my years of blogging and surfing the internet that will help your site meter begin clicking faster. But I’m not talking about high-brow methods such as posting quality content like interviews with published authors or the occasional contests to give-away ARC’s.  No sir…I’m talking about those low-rent techniques you’re more likely to find being used by web-sites your security filter would scream about.  You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure this stuff out, just observant, and willing to lower your standards a bit. 

As you will soon see, one of the most important elements in getting web-browsers pointed in your direction is the title of your post, or web-link.  As every self-respecting salesman has been taught, “Getting them in the door is half the battle.” So, without further ado…here are my six simple tips:

1.  The most popular trick is structuring your blog post in the form of a numbered list. If you look around the most popular browser home-pages such as YAHOO, DIGG, or GOOGLE NEWS, you’ll see multiple examples of what I’m talking about.  This is a sampling just today of the real articles seeking attention on my own startup page.

Nine Most Badass (And Possibly Insane) Sports Of All-Time

Five Dance-Pop Remakes So Bad You’ll Puke

Ten Disappointing NFL Teams

Five Scary Cancer Questions

Eight Reasons you should watch Agent Carter tonight

Five Things We Want to Know about MC Hammer’s Jaz-Z Diss Video

The 25 Hottest Women Born in January

Five Reasons Why Bert & Ernie Should Come Out of the Closet

 

2. Whenever possible, use the word GUARANTEED in your title. Let’s face it, most people are gullible and will fall for that gimmick every time, certainly enough to get them through the door and reading the first paragraph of your blog. 

 

3. Technically, this could be considered 2B because it also involves the title. Find a way to work the word SEX into your title. Do I really have to explain that one? 

 

4. Change your domain name so it includes key wording used in the most frequent Google searches. For example: http://dlhammons.dallascowboycheerleaders.com. 

 

5. Decorations never hurt!

6. Finally, it doesn’t matter what you do to get the traffic flowing in your direction because unless you entertain them once they arrive, they won’t be back.  So you’d better make sure you elicit one of four things from your visitors while they are here…a nod of the head, a chuckle, a sigh, or a tear.  The internet is vast and counter-oriented to our attention spans, so here…more than anywhere…make every word count!

I hope everybody understands that my tongue is firmly planted in cheek, and I would never actually utilize any of these techniques.  I do have some measure of self-respect, after all! *wink*

The only sure way to guarantee a steady flow of visitors to your own blog is to read other blogs…often and repeatedly…and leave comments. That’s the reason I’ve only generated 10-12 comments per blog post recently – because I haven’t been around as much as I should.  But now that you know ALL of the secrets, I expect you’ll be seeing plenty movement.

Good luck! :)