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WRiTE CLUB - Semi-Finals Round 3

Getting tired of this yet?  Today features the third round of the semi-finals.  Remember, the winners will be announced at noon on Sunday and the next round will kick off next Tuesday (right after the ORIGINS blogfest).  Read the submission from each WRiTER carefully and leave your vote for the sample that resonates with you the most.  Don’t forget to offer some opinions if you have time.  Anyone reading this can vote, so blog / tweet / facebook / text / smoke signal everyone you know and get them to participate as well.  Good luck to both WRiTER’s!

And now…..

Stepping into the ring is our round three winner...TIMOTHY NINE

Creatures of habit are easier to catch and beautiful Edie Grace was as predictable as a James Bond love affair. For three weeks, he studied her, peering into her life… her soul. He loved her youthful movements, so graceful. She now belonged to him.

Through the front window, he watched Edie jumped onto her sofa and sit cross-legged in front of the television. Avid fan of Wheel of Fortune, her fisted hands move up and down in front of her chest as the wheel went round. As the needle passed every number, she mouthed, one thousand, one thousand and finally called out a letter in turn.

G as in girl.

He smiled. Yes, and what about B as in beautiful or D as in dead? Oh, the hours he stood watching were about to end. Excitements filled his stomach and his heart beat rapidly. He longed to be inside — with her. No, he must be patient; he knew the perfect time.

And his/her able opponent is none other than....CASEY BROOKS

When a princess misbehaves, most kings and queens send them to their chambers. Not mine. No, my parents send me to the dungeons. And I don’t get to just sit there and “think about what I’ve done.” I have to clean. It probably says something about my temperament that we have the cleanest dungeons in all of Farfel. Even now, as I sat on my royal *ahem* and polished the bars outside the second-largest cell for VIPs only (Very Important Prisoners), I was hard pressed to find even one speck of dust. Of course, that might be because I’ve been on dungeon duty every day this week. (Let me just say – cleaning out chamber pots? Not. Fun.)

On Sunday, I was punished for putting a snake in Prince Alec’s salad. I know, I know. Not that original, but he yelled louder than a banshee from the Mountains of Mystery.

On Monday, I ever-so-innocently suggested that the prince resembled a blue pincushion – what with his puffy sleeves and all – and my parents sent me down here again. (Though, I noticed they didn’t disagree with my assessment of his outfit).

Tuesday morning, I pushed the prince into the fountain during our supposed-to-be-romantic walk. Of course my parents didn’t believe me when I said I was protecting the prince from a very deadly looking wasp.

Really, I was surprised they still wanted to go forward with the whole marriage thing. I mean, I had hoped that if I made my thoughts on the matter clear, then they would let me out of it. But, no.

Maybe the fountain thing was too subtle.

“Maybe the prince should just go back to where he belongs,” I muttered as I scrubbed at the prison bars. After all, my parents couldn’t force me to marry Prince Alec in one week.


“That’s easy to arrange, you know,” a lilting female voice answered me. I nearly jumped out of my corset.

Peering through the bars, I saw two baby blue eyes staring back at me. They reminded me of the prince’s unfortunately puffy coat. I hate to admit it, but I judged her a little bit because of that.

“I thought this cell was empty,” I said stupidly. I was too surprised to come up with something more witty.

“New arrival. Just got here today.” She seemed unconcerned by the fact that she was a prisoner in the king’s dungeons. Calmly and primly, she sat by the cell bars, looking at me with an expression that could only be described as boredom.

She was also the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.

I judged her for that too. It wasn’t fair that she could have lustrous golden hair that cascaded down her back in waves (even while as a prisoner in a dungeon!) while my lady maids forced me to sit for an hour each day simply to have a semblance of curl.

But if she could help me … who was I to judge?

Don’t forget the WRiTE CLUB motto, it’s not about the last man/woman standing, it’s about who knocks the audience out!


  1. It's tough, but I have to go with Casey Brooks!

  2. I might have gone with selection #1, if there weren't two mistakes in verb tense in the passage. If you're only going to give us 250 words, they need to be right!

    So, I'm voting for #2 and the naughty princess.

  3. ooo. I like the creepiness of the first one. It made me think of that movie Manhunter.

    At the same time, #2 had me curious and giggling right off, although it seemed to get a little wobbly there toward the end. (Hang on to it, #2!)

    This is a tough one! My vote's for #2. It was voicey right away, and it gave me a good feel for the MC and where we were headed.

    But nice work to both writers! :o)

  4. They're both great, but I'm going to go with Casey.

  5. I remember enjoying #1 and wish he/she had expanded and proofread a bit. However, this round, my vote goes to #2 Casey Brooks.

  6. Voting for #2 Casey Brooks. Seemed to lose a little 'voice' near the end, but still good. A smart ass princess. I love it.

    Advice to Timothy Nine. Really good, you had me for all 250 words but in the end 'take every stinkin' word they give ya'. That extra verbiage can go far to redeem a few tiny errors or sway a vote.

  7. I think number two had an excellent voice, especially for what appears to be a YA Fantasy, but I'm voting for number one, because the tension was palpable, in spite of some verb confusion.

  8. This was a tougher choice for me.

    #1 is certainly captivating, creepy, and compelling. But I stumbled a few times getting into it. As I was reading, I initially put the "beautiful" as included with the "easier to catch" because of the leading "and:" "easier to catch and beautiful." Also, the initial mention of unnamed "He" seemed awkward -- the antecedent was "James Bond," but I doubted the author meant for the pronoun to refer to old double-oh-seven.

    These are minor nits to be picking, but I use them to illustrate that an opening is critical -- it has to be as smooth as glass to grab the reader. The story developed nicely, though -- by the end I was definitely getting interested.

    #2 had a very distinct voice, which is a good thing, but it started almost a little too cutesy for my taste. Still, as I read on, I found myself getting more and more pulled into the story and realized that there was more at stake than just a juvenile princess being punished because she's a spoiled brat. The introduction of the mysterious beautiful prisoner was also very well done, and by the end of the story, I wanted to keep reading.

    Long story short -- I vote for #2.

  9. I remember I think I voted for both of these last time (obviously not going against each other). I like them both...the first is nice and creepy. I love the teasers at the end. But...I love the Princess' spirit, so let's go with Casey!

  10. My vote is for Casey Brooks! The other one needed a little tightening grammar-wise or it to really shine.

  11. Hard choice but going with #1. It made me want to read more.

  12. I'm going with Casey Brooks. Loved the playful humour.

  13. This is tough! One was so creepy, I was sure I would be voting for him. . .but then I really liked #2 as well. Hmm. I guess I'll vote for #2 just because it's more like what I read. Good job both of you!

  14. Both fun ones! The first is nicely ominous, and I love the voice in the second one. I'm going to go with Casey Brooks.

  15. This is the hardest choice for me since the voting started. I vote for Casey Brooks because I think it will make a fine YA book. I like the humor and spunk of the girl.

  16. I also vote for Casey. It's not the kind of story I read normally, but the voice was well done and the main character and conflict were more apparent. It was technically cleaner as well.

    The first entry was spot-on the kind of story I'd read, but it felt under-developed (and I'm nitpicking because both entries were good). There were a few places where the creepy factor could have been further intensified.

  17. I'm voting for #1 because even the #2 is more my genre, the end lost me. Naughty princess should be a little more suspicious/hesitant.

  18. WOW. These were both so good! But if I have to choose, I vote for Casey. She had me when she jumped out of her corset.

    And I missed all the Write Club fun! :( At least I get to enjoy the final rounds.

  19. Tough choice. I like the voice in the 2nd - although it was stronger at the beginning of the piece, and I liked the tension of the first. Liked hearing from the villain too. Hmm... my vote will go to #1




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